Tag Archive | self esteem

I was raped. Courage & Self Realisation. Are life’s challenges our most powerful opportunities?

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOpWsw1Hvl8

22 Years ago, I was raped by my long term partner.

I was young and this had seemed to come out of the blue. He became physically, mentally and emotionally abusive after this…he also had 4 affairs that I know of during the 9 years total we were together.

Looking back, I regret not going to the police. And I regret not telling anyone or talking to anyone about it. If anyone finds themselves in a similar situation, please don’t deal with it by hiding it. They are the one at fault; and no matter how twisted they are and how manipulative they are (and they usually are)…managing to make sure you feel ashamed for something they should feel ashamed of…no matter how difficult it is, trust me when I say, spending your life covering for an abusive relationship or hiding an assault from people, means the attacker continues to do damage to you psychologically, long after the event is over.

Considering courage in the context of a magickal philosophy made me want to make a video about how courage isn’t about not being scared…it’s about how you handle being scared. It’s about learning to trust yourself to cope with fear and have faith in your own potential abilities to turn it around. Maybe even use it to your advantage in some way.

In that way, I can look back and say 22 years ago something really bad happened to me…but ultimately, it increased my potential to overcome fear, pain, suffering…and on some level, life’s challenges are those things that create the most powerful opportunities for us to prove ourselves. My self confidence and self esteem might not be what they are today had some of these things not happened in my past. They did force me to step up to mark in a way that may not have happened any other way. Perhaps ultimately, they made me a better person; a stronger person. And perhaps ultimately, making this video might help others too. I hope so.

They say that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. I would encourage that. Don’t let what doesn’t kill you make you angry, vengeful, bitter or afraid. In the strangest way, we have no control over what happens to us, but we have control over how we deal with it. See yourself as an empowered person and challenges can turn to opportunities.

Of course it’s not a simple thing; it took a lot of hard work. But do you really want to let the abusers, bullies, rapists of the world win you over to their way of seeing yourself as a victim?

PLEASE DON’T!

In considering an example it was the only situation I could think of where I was actually scared for my life…and it took me a long time to find the courage to end the relationship. I’m not proud of that. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. But anyone who has been in an abusive relationship or subject to a sexual assault…remember one thing – they are actually BREAKING THE LAW – it’s not a moral issue, it’s nothing to do with what you were wearing either. And there is a legal system that sometimes fails…but sometimes works. That is the system that rapists should face so you don’t have to allow their actions define you later. Again, this isn’t an easy thing at all. But my experience is…don’t harbor criminals.

I feel very strongly about it. It is perhaps my biggest regret not calling the police when it happened…because living with the secret was like dealing with something that happened to me (not something I did), over and over again. And it took a lot to move forward. I think it always would have – but I think I would have felt better about myself, the situation, the world, if I hadn’t kept the secrets of someone like that.

So I really intensely want to tell other victims of assault within or outside of relationships…PLEASE don’t suffer alone.

If you don’t know where to begin and seeing the police seems too difficult, tell a friend and have them phone the police. See your GP as an emergency and have them phone the police. Do whatever you can do. But don’t keep it to yourself.

Do anything you can to avoid falling into despair. Study psychotherapy…see a therapist…a counsellor…whatever help you can find, find it.

I feel like, worse than the event itself for me, were the 4 years of not even thinking to myself in words what kind of relationship I was in. I didn’t even tell myself. Let alone anyone else. That was a lot to deal with. It had a lot of consequences that dealing with it a different way wouldn’t have had.

Also remember…22 years later, things will look very different. I hadn’t lived 22 years when it actually happened…but looking back, I am a very different person now. It’s impossible to say what might ever happen to you in life…but I know for absolute certain, I would have been waiting at the police station door when it opened the next morning if it happened now.

We’re not defined by what other people do to us. Sometimes it feels like we are. But we’re not. And I dedicate my life to teaching courses that empower people (in various ways)…something I feel extremely inspired to do but something I couldn’t have imagined doing 22 years ago.

Time doesn’t heal…it’s what you do with the time that decides whether it heals…so if you can learn anything from my mistakes and my situation, please, please do. If I can make a difference to one person…save them the 4 year limbo…I’d donate a kidney to do it. So making this video, not my favourite subject, but the least I can do ❤

ALM (Mayastar)
http://www.mayastar.net

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Magick to Invoke Options, Opportunity & Freedom | Clearing Stagnation | Removing Restriction | Eliminating Limbo

A combination ritual for a client inspired me to blog about the potential for a Tantric Shamanic Ritual Intensive.

All situations are unique, but this particular intensive would be a useful fit for a variety of options. With TS rituals they can be easily tailored for a perfect fit for the client too.

The Loki TS ritual is relatively new to Maya Magickal, and makes a great start to this intensive by removing blocks on all levels – even helping the client to move past blocks that are rooted in their own limited beliefs or hindering effects of their behaviour.

A blocked situation can feel insurmountable. You may that sense of limbo where you feel bound up. Or feel like all options are beyond you because of internal or external restrictions…fear of success can generate massive scale inertia in some people and magick can provide a catalyst to move beyond it.

This is also useful if you need to uncover the source of (for example), harassment, aggravation, deception or some other external influence that is creating a state of stagnation or limbo. The sense of being in the dark and waiting for something to happen can be debilitating and depressing.

The Loki working, followed by the Heimdall working and finished with the Odin working (which can be tailored for your particular circumstance) can be worked to expose the truth (internally or externally) and then resolve the situation by invoking “Justice by Right”.

The final focus being on achieving a sense justification which puts you back in the driving seat of your life with a greater awareness and renewed confidence.

The Loki ritual was originally created for the purpose of unravelling a stagnant situation.

Chaos is sometimes considered a negative state – but Chaos is a state where change is possible – inevitable in fact; stagnation is a negative state; it blocks change and it can persist and affect many areas of your life as your consciousness conforms more and more to the restrictive view.

So invoking an element of Chaos opens possibilities! It’s very effective. And as with all TS workings, the spell works from the inside out. So change from within and is manifested externally as life falls in with the new perspective. It means the positive effects are cumulative and built on a solid foundation. This is true of all the TS rituals I provide. They are extremely comprehensive.

Magick works in real time but because of the focus of this intensive, I recommend it worked on consecutive Saturdays as the Saturn influence is useful ♡

The Killing Moon Karmic Reversal 30 Day Ritual Intensive special offer is still open. I am accomodating as many people as is viable…I can take two more. So the option will be taken down tomorrow night. If I take too many people in a cycle the daily working for all of them could end up tying up hours of each day.

If I work a double KM cycle I do the daily working split into two or even 3, to keep my schedule flexible. The cycle begins on the 12th. But the special offer for both a single working or a triple, ends in 24 hours. Info about the KM www.mayastar.net/special.htm and www.mayamagickal.net/killingmoon.htm

If you’re not on the Mayastar & Maya Magickal mailing list but would like to be, please email me mayastar@mayastar.net xx

Don’t let anyone feel less than you are | Red flags of abuse | Be true to yourself ♡

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…but one day you’ll realise that you needed them like a hole in the head and you came away thinking you felt crap…but realising you still had integrity. And you will love again. They weren’t capable of it with someone who trusted them…they lost a lot when they lost you.

Never let anyone feel less than you are. Never. If they don’t make you feel fantastic and encourage you in your life and your work and pursuit of your hobbies…if you’re in a relationship where someone resents you for your success…please recognise this is a red flag. Not all narcissists are easy to spot. Covert narcissism fuels the ‘forever victim’ and ‘forever unlucky’ and weirdly negative in ways that seem nonsensical in otherwise apparently ‘normal’ people. Abuse of trust is still abuse.

Seriously friends. Live for love. Don’t settle for less. You’re not worth less. You’re worth the fairytale ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ALM (Maya)

www.mayastar.net
www.mayamagickal.net
www.annalouisemay.net
www.blog.mayastar.net

Don’t let anyone feel less than you are ♡

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…but one day you’ll realise that you needed them like a hole in the head and you came away thinking you felt crap…but realising you still had integrity. And you will love again. They weren’t capable of it with someone who trusted them…they lost a lot when they lost you.

Never let anyone feel less than what you are. Never. If they don’t make you feel fantastic and encourage you in your life and your work and pursuit of your hobbies…if you’re in a relationship where someone resents you for your success…please recognise this is a red flag. Not all narcissists are easy to spot. Covert narcissism fuels the ‘forever victim’ and ‘forever unlucky’ and weirdly negative in ways that seem nonsensical in otherwise apparently ‘normal’ people. Abuse of trust is still abuse.

Seriously friends. Live for love. Don’t settle for less. You’re not worth less. You’re worth the fairytale ♡

♡ ♡ ♡ ALM (Maya) www.mayastar.net