Tag Archive | philosophy

What is a Narcissist? The Spiritual Damage & Self Healing When they’re gone! (From a Psychic Perspective)

I have blogged before about Narcissistic Personality Disorder & the psychic effect it has on those around the Narcissist. 

One of the most common problems people face after being involved in any context, with someone who is narcissistic (self centred…remember not everyone with selfish tendencies is classified narcissist but they may share some of the issues and create similar problems…resulting in similar fall out for those around them).

A narcissist is unconscious of the value and autonomy of people around them. In many ways their situation is like that of a child trapped in the “terrible twos” – complete with tantrums, deception and a childish belief that the world revolves around them.

Most grow out of this stage. It is the emergence of the Ego and in many ways the beginning of psychological autonomy. So it’s considered and is a natural growth phase. And beyond it the higher faculties are developed – empathy in particular and the ability to identify with others and to know humility.

In the narcissist something internal or external stunts this growth. Narcissistic brains tend to be highly intelligent and the process of maturation takes longer. It may be that certain stages are bypassed and emotional maturity is never achieved…it may be that being treated as an over achiever during their extended formative years means that those with narcissistic tendencies experience a longer period in which things can go wrong; that nature and nurture combine to inhibit the realisation of objective consciousness.

That’s just a theory. But as an autistic I have always found narcissists a curiosity and a proof that the theory about autistic people lacking empathy is not the case. I can only speak for myself in that and with my family members but early on I seemed to overly empathise. I never had tantrums. I never rebelled. And I think autistics with high functioning either develop so quickly through the ego phase or it’s so insignificant to our sense of reality (which is very abstract generally), we are the psychological opposite of narcissists in many ways.

I certainly feel narcissistic people seem to have a problem with me because their usual manipulations or attention seeking/self validating behaviours don’t exert the desired response from me.

Narcissistic personalities can be covert or overt and the abuse they perpetuate depends much on their type. Coverts can be very controlling and manipulative – mind games, martyr complexes and hyperchondria that means they can assume a victim role throughout life. Overts may be more obvious. Talking over you or verbally abusing you. They may even become physically abusive.

But the real damage is caused by the controlling behaviours however they are expressed. The genuine victim of a narcissist often questions their own sanity and wonders if they are the narcissist. And narcissists encourage that kind of blurring of the edges…where they end and you begin.

This kind of manipulation of reality that leaves you wondering just what you’re seeing and doubting yourself is called “gas lighting” and is a deliberate tactic in control and manipulation. 

Of all abuses I think this gradual undermining of another’s sense of self and sense of reality has the most insidious side effects. It happens so gradually and is common to all narcissistic types and it casts the longest shadow in victims because of its very nature.

Addressing and removing yourself from s situation of physical or verbal abuse is easy to see. The damage done by the gas lighting really isn’t and it’s more prevalent because covert narcissists do the same thing.

Psychically this leaves the victim with the fear that they are the “bad one”; deficient in some way; unprofessional and to blame. A feeling that can take a very long time to move on from because of its nebulous nature.

Remember, the narcissist doesn’t ever stop to wonder if they are at fault. This is the chasm between the narcissist and others. Their sense of entitlement and lack of consciousness and self awareness. For them, it’s a given that the fault is someone else’s so if you are left doubting yourself, you are not the narcissist.

This kind of undermining of the victim creates problems though. Low self esteem. Anxiety. A tendency to over analyse or take on more responsibility in any given situation than is realistic. But worst I think is the sense of unreality. The  victim buys into the narcissist’s view and sacrifices their own and regaining that centering isn’t easy.

On a psychic level this is the real damage of the psychic attack. There are implications on all levels and spiritually it can cause all kinds of ambivalence as the mind swings from idea to idea seeking a truth.

Many clients and students come to me to begin healing this sense of ungroundedness. And energy healing, meditation and certain rituals can certainly help. But it is as if you leave the relationship or connection with an addiction. An addiction to a person or a habit of allowing them to think for you. And that can feel disorientating or terrifying by turns for a long time. It takes time to heal and the first step is acknowledging you are not imagining it.

The psychological damage caused is what we would call a psychic attack and because you’re juggling the other attacks you may not notice it happening.

But despite the nightmare of it, if you choose the right tools to help you through, you can gain great insight into yourself and a unique perspective of the world and of life.

It creates an opportunity where you have to start again because you can’t go back to a point before happened. Starting from scratch with experience and wisdom means you have access to a greater potential happiness than you had in the past. It won’t be easy! But I can personally vouch for the fact that energy work, meditation and magick can make it easier!

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Why Gatsby Always Succeeds…& How You Can Ensure YOU Define Your Life (Before it Defines You)

Enjoying happiness, fulfillment  & success in all areas of your life? No exceptions. Achieving your dreams? Manifesting your goals every time without comprise?

It’s a tall order and I am inspired anew so regularly that I think I may write this blog in a number of parts! It’s a huge subject and considering different elements of the overall philosophy can hugely benefit people in truly living a meaningful life. Staying inspired is a big part of ultimate success.

As a witch and energy healing teacher I am often asked about subjects that boil down to be being related to what I am going to blog about so I have considered and studied widely in this area.  

I think it’s important to emphasise that to practice magick (real magick) and spellcrafting requires a commitment and dedication to the study and understanding of subjective, objective, internal and external factors involved in any  situation. Without that preliminary work, you couldn’t go on create spells at all – let alone ones that work.
An analogy might be – you want to knit a jumper. You know you need wool, needles and a pattern. You get these. A jumper doesn’t manifest itself after you bought them. If you don’t know how to knit or read the pattern you weren’t at a stage of being ready to achieve that. 

You are looking at the result as if the ingredients are magickal in and of themselves. When sometimes the most important thing is to enjoy the journey. Know there is work to do. And decide if you want it enough to put that in. If you don’t, you’re just deluding yourself about what you want.

Many people aspire to spiritual gifts but not everyone will be cut out for the one they think they want to choose. But if you are sure of your “destination”, the fact a jumper didn’t magickally create itself spurs you to learn! The idea of being able to make it inspires you. You don’t see any other way. Because it is what you really want. So you study to get yourself into a position where the yarn, needles and pattern are useful to you. This is not a hardship! It’s exciting. Fun. Part of the journey. 

Many people gather the ingredients…see this jumper doesn’t make itself. Think in a defeatist way that they have failed. Or externalise it and think he system has failed. “It won’t work. I give up.”

Well, if you choose to see challenges as failures you are doomed to create that reality for yourself!

If you say you have failed and give up I am sure you will manage to fail. It’s what you chose! In this sense we literally create out reality. The emotional blow, the financial cost, the physical stress – all come from your unshakeable assertion that somehow you were a victim. You decide in that way that you can’t change your future too…and so the problem compounds itself.

If instead of this you look at the bigger picture…imagine yourself making or wearing the jumper…imagine yourself knitting as you watch TV in the evening and can see how these are things will make you feel good. They are what you want. Your choice changes your “destination”. Your attitude is liable to be very different!  You see you have the ingredients! Excellent! Now you only need the knowhow and skill…you can get them! Fantastic. You take a class, join a club. You practice! You make some scarves and blankets and learn different stitches so you have experience and skill to go with your intention and goal.

It may take time. Maybe years. It will require dedication and practice  to prepare for it, begin it and complete it. But if you choose that destination, you WILL undoubtedly realise it. One day you will be in a position to knit that jumper. You know it. You believe it. You don’t even consider failure as an option! You create your reality.

You may use other techniques to support your efforts. Visualisation. Affirmations about yourself to increase focus and self belief. Or magick to resolve your habit of negativity and self sabotage that’s been hindering you in the past. 

But even through learning these new supportive techniques you will be acquiring tools and developing a state of mind that is resilient and increases your possibilities of success in all areas if your life. 

It’s amazing what a difference to the realisation of your intentions such steps create.

In this Gatsby is a most compelling and inspirational character. He understands the work he needs to do to achieve his goal and sets about it immediately. He lets go of his past or any resistance caused by it in one moment. He becomes unshakeable in his destiny and devotes himself to creating a situation in which he can realise it.

This means he isn’t just Gatsby but truly the Great Gatsby at that point.

You may think the story is a cautionary tale of a narcissist who is so self centred he creates his own world in which he can be who he thinks he should be. Except his motivation for this is love. And all the external superficial storytelling and “self promotion” doesn’t corrupt him. He doesn’t change his personality or motivation. He isn’t swayed by the fact he can have what other people want because his focus remains always on fulfilling his destiny and achieving what he wants. 

That’s what makes him Great.

A lesser person would lose that perspective at some stage. A lesser person would give up. A lesser person would become corrupted and allow the world to define them and thereby lose their integrity. This doesn’t happen to Gatsby!

You may think Gatsby is wrong when he believes he can turn back time if you take it as a literal assertion. I see it differently and believe his is absolutely right! If you consider he believes he can change what happens by choosing the course his life will take than if he hadn’t made that choice and given it his all he is asserting his destiny to fail was false and that he knew that he wouldn’t choose it. He would make the decision. He would never waver.

The film (The Great Gatsby) is so inspiring to me that I listen to soundtrack sometimes to remind me of the positive and (in my opinion) accurate belief that life is what you make it. And only you can choose what you make it.

I even picture Leonardo DiCaprio as Gatsby saying “of course you can” whenever his power to achieve his goals is questioned.

I highly recommend the film! And the book. But even if you’re not into that, I recommend the sentiment…

…define your life…and it will never define you. You cannot lose. You cannot be a victim. You cannot fail. Unless you choose to.

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What are Starseeds? I High Functioning Autism | God Touched | Indigo Children | Witches | Lightworkers | Uniqueness & Non-Conformity as Spiritual Ideals

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I was recently asked this on my FB group page. Answering without sounding so kookie people following the page who hadn’t heard the term might think definition meant answering it quite carefully! Some new age ideas are very old ideas but with new “jargon” or extensions of existing beliefs and ideas not new to all religions but somehow “reframed” out of context so they do come over sounding a bit far fetched!

It’s a criticism I have for the “New Age” in general. Lots of ideas without much basis and without any subjective or objective reasoning behind them…let alone citing sources that have existed for thousands of years that say the same thing in different words. I am also guilty of not citing sources. I have a really good memory (part of my aspergers – high functioning autism). But I draw a blank remembering faces. And apparently names too. When I am reading fiction I notice I almost blank names as I read them! So even if I remember the book…the cover…where I was when I read it etc, I won’t have retained the author’s name. My mind seems to consider names very unimportant which is why most people in my life have nicknames I’ve given them. It’s my weird “name blindness”.

Anyway…back to the topic…in answering the question referring to similar or associated ideas the person was likely to know instead of me rambling on with a lot of new age jargon, I feel I explained the concept well.

As a teacher of energy healing, attunement based spiritual development courses and meditation based courses, I am very aware of ensuring my writing is accessible to people who have no previous experience.

Also, I am not running a cult teaching new words for ideas that promote exclusivity…or fudge the details so people don’t realise they are not being told anything. Those are pet hates of mine.

Also, as a teacher I don’t want to alienate people who hold religious beliefs that may be different to mine. I don’t teach religion and I don’t like it when people dress ideas and philosophies as being facts. We can be as objective in our explanations as possible – but even the best articulated philosophical deductions are open to debate. (I do feel my Autism helps me to communicate higher concepts in a more accessible way because I have to do it so much as my normal life experience. It definitely helps rather than hinders my work!).

I promote freedom and empowerment so I won’t dogmatically preach theories as facts. I know some new age writers do this…but I think real understanding is only available when you digest information for yourself.

I may be hypersensitive to it…aware sometimes that a blog is addressed to people with a prior knowledge…I always try to pitch my writing so it’s useful to people without prior knowledge; defining terms sometimes makes all the difference!
Anyway…enough about my motivations for the way I addressed the question! In my own words, the answer goes something like this…

Some people believe in reincarnation. Some believe some of us had previous lives on other planets or stars perhaps in a different dimension not a physical body, but a life or origin that’s not of this earth and possibly not of this plane (dimension).

People who feel that often refer to themselves as “starseeds”.

For me personally, I think it’s very possible other worlds and types of existance are viable in addition to being a humans on earth with some kind of soul that exists beyond our biological reality.

I also do agree with the concept because as I child I recall feeling “homesick”. My Aspergers may have been part of that; some people also believe some “advanced” spiritual beings choose to reincarnate to help others achieve spiritual wholeness and that High Functioning Autism or some types of epilepsy are a part of that.

That’s not a new idea but the term “starseeded” is a new age term for it. They may also use terms like “earth angels”, “indigos” and “crystal children” etc…depending on the current trend in ideas or new ideas about old ideas!

I do feel I lived somewhere else before I came here as a human. And that it wasn’t like this. And I miss it. I think of it as being “homesick for heaven”. But I don’t claim to understand what it was or where it was. I do feel the work I do now in this life was chosen before I came here. And I feel it will continue when I leave (die). But I don’t have proof of that. It’s just something I feel so strongly it feels more real than real to me. And I have since met other people who also remember the “before life”.

Some people would suggest my feelings are born of delusion…failing to grasp that the Asper brain is not prone to delusion or irrationality; they are experiences more common to people whose beliefs are a reaction to their emotions. Rather than someone whose mind is hyper-rational. Our problems in being understood usually come from our capacity to naturally experience and express our experiences in a far more abstract way than our lower-functioning peers.

This capacity for abstract understand is why many High Functioning Autistics display unusually advanced language skills, may be drawn to mathematics and tend to show greater creativity. Not all share the same special skills or special interests. But I have no doubt that the work I do teaching energy healing and my magickal ‘career’ are advanced by my Aspergers in ways people of a neurotypical function wouldn’t experience. I wouldn’t trade my High Functioning brain for one that didn’t see music, feel colours or understand how to reweave karma (spells) the way I do. My work through www.mayastar.netand www.mayamagickal.net absolutely relies on my mind being as it is!

The long and short of it is some people believe people who are born with Higher Functioning Autism or Epilepsy (I have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy) were “god touched” thousands of years ago. That’s the phrase they would have used here centuries ago. And only relatively recently have the insights, perspectives and non-confirmity of people like me been negatively interpreted as a deficiency or fault.

This is beginning to change. With High Functioning Autistics being head hunted for their unique abilities especially in identifying problems quickly or irregularities in (for example) programming scripts that a Neurotypical wouldn’t be able to do so accurately or quickly.

And of course, the New Age has seen a revival in old spiritual and philosophical understandings that our uniqueness is a gift: an extra abilty not a disability!

If you would like to know more, I recently posted a new Whispering Witch Heart to Heart on this topic at: https://youtu.be/Azev7P4aIYM

The Best Day…dedicated to my dad | Brain Cancer Awareness

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The cover that proves…yes…#highfunctioningautism doesn’t mean you don’t have emotions!

https://youtu.be/utF4-JJiRdc

Song begins at about 6 mins 30…intro poss not a good idea b/c I start crying b4 I finish it! But the 2nd take which runs straight afterwards, was ok.

Not sure about the recording…sang in my natural voicd but sound a bit off key in places and on my bluetooth speaker the backing track sounds too loud for my voice! But it is just me with a speaker playing the backing track and singing at the camera with no edit.

Song is #thebestday by #taylorswift on #asmr #whisperingwitch channel (info on that is in the info in the dropdown below the video)…& I go on to explain why I was moved to tears first time round!

Dedicated to my dad ♡ who died in September. Photo is of me with dad…who wanted me to promo cancer awareness and using #energyhealing (which I teach online through http://www.mayastar.net) and #reiki to assist transition and symptoms even in terminal cases or while someone is in the “active phase of dying).

It can he used to help relax, reduce symptoms in some cases and help smooth the emotional journey…for the patient and those around them if they are receptive. It also helps loved ones to feel they are able to do something to help and that can be important later to reflect on.

At the time this photo was taken dad had only a few months to live. As you can see…he didn’t look like he was dying. Didn’t actually look like he was 67 either! But at this stage he was on #chemo. He had a numb area on his face and gradually that spread. His death came quicker than expected (the younger you are the faster cells replace and the faster some types of tumour can grow).

Gratitude as a Way of Life

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Gratitude is often cited as an essential part of the process of manifesting. When we talk about manifesting there is always a contingent that thinks it’s wishful thinking. Perhaps even delusional.

There is a contingent of people who believe in hardship and suffering – considering these things more “real” than positive experiences, happiness and a sense of wellbeing. Not realising the effect their focus has on their perception. And on their life experience. As they say – there is no good wind for a ship that doesn’t know where it’s going!

Defining your intentions isn’t necessarily easy. We are often ambivalent about the things we think we want and create our own resistance to achieving them. For example, you want to lose weight but you don’t want to give up fast food. You want to become a manager but you don’t want to lose the connection you currently have with your co-workers.

Writing a list of pros and cons to help you decide if what you think you want is what you really want can be emotionally tough. Admitting some things to yourself…like an intense fear of failure…can make you feel less confident and less capable before it makes you feel better! But developing our self awareness is sometimes hard. It also may take time to feel right in yourself when you call yourself to account.

I remember a long time ago…ending a long term relationship that was essentially abusive, was difficult in a personal way because I felt so guilty for putting myself through it and for ever holding myself in such low esteem that I let things slide that I shouldn’t have. Far more than the change in my circumstances or ideas of missing what I was used to in my life, I was really consumed by guilt about my own bad treatment of myself in allowing the relationship to continue when I should have ended it years back.

So self awareness that allows objective and precise definition of your goals and intentions is a process. It is something you learn to do better the better you know yourself.

Which is why I advocate a focus on Gratitude as a primary means of achieving your goals…and here’s why…

Developing a habit of being grateful means shifting your perspective and allows you to see the good in the bad; the opportunity in knock back; the potential in the struggle. And approaching development of self awareness with an “attitude of gratitude” makes the process far less painful. Seeing the good in the bad even while you’re experiencing something challenging, turns the tables!

On my channel www.youtube.annalouisemay.net I recently recommended some exercises to assist in embracing gratitude. And one that I think is a real eye opener to the potential of “counting your blessings”, is to push yourself to do it!

You might choose any number for this challenge…if you keep a gratitude diary and every day write down the things you are grateful for – even on days that seemed predominantly bad, you may find you remember being grateful for small things…enjoying the smell of the rain…having a long hot bath…your home…the things you take for granted you might be able to fill a page with if you decide to do it.

But what about if rather than count your blessings, you challenge yourself to find 100…200…500. List the numbers and at the start of the exercise you will tend to list things like friends and family. Pets. Your home. Your job. Once the big things are covered you being to list the small things…your first coffee of the day…the falafels you had for lunch…etc.

And then it becomes harder…you have so many numbers to fill. You’re wracking your brain. And pretty soon you’re writing good aspects of bad experiences. Once it begins your mind ferrets through your whole past looking for potentially good things in the negative experiences of the past. If you keep at it, you can’t help but fall into a mindset of gratitude and a feeling that nothing bad ever happened to you…there were challenges but they turned out to be good things later.

That’s the mindset that aligns you with your goals, ambitions and hopes and dreams; with no inner conflict or resistance to good things coming into your life you don’t just attract good things because you resonate with good things – your mind is focused in a way that means you see opportunities – you look for them and so you see them just as surely as people looking for problem are absolutely guaranteed to find them.

It’s a choice. We can’t choose everything that happens to us. But we can choose how we interpret it and respond to it.

So I absolutely recommend starting any manifesting work with actively pursuing and cultivating an attitude of gratitude. Everything naturally follows from decision.

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Protection Spells | Reversal Spells | Love Spells | Black Magick | Karma

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Today’s bathtime blog taken from a client question regarding the karmic implications of protection spells…which relates to exorcism or reversals too as they have a similar structure.

Brought to you from a Yoga Bomb BathBomb from Lush hot bath…with red moodlights. Today extra long bath because I woke up with my head tipped back in my sleep. It’s a weird problem. If I sleep on my back I am fine. If I roll on my side I seem to tip my head back and wake up with a stiff neck. When I do, I now boycott my workout because I don’t want to risk injury.

I have considered sleeping in a neck corset (aka posture collar) to prevent me doing it. It’s such an irritation when I do it that I don’t think a posture collar would be a major hassle. It seems like a great idea. I wear corsets in bed (for rib contouring…also they help me relax as the hug emulation increases my oxytocin level. V handy if you’re autistic! Physiological differences in brain wiring means we make much less than neurotypicals and oxytocin counters stress hormones so tight lacing is actually good for my health!). But if I get a posture collar I definitely want one that’s made to fit properly and is breathable.

Pleased with myself for this new idea…wondering why I never thought of trying it before.

Anyway, for now a looong soak followed by a massage will work the kinks out!

So…my customer raised an interesting question. If a spell returns negative intentions/actions (which create negative karmic bonds) back to their source, is that karmically sound? It does on the surface allow an interpretation of “an eye for an eye”. But there is no intention to retailiate. The spell works from the client out rather than focusing on the other person/people. It’s not akin to a hex or attack. But there is a very important reason why we don’t just cut the links. The main one being they tend to get reinstated by the other person. If someone considers you an enemy and projects negative intentions towards you, the situation may persist until they resolve the karmic link from their end.

An extreme example…if you had stalker and to avoid the stress, you moved house thinking “out of sight out of mind”, it wouldn’t necessarily change their intentions. Restraining orders would be applicable of course. But on a magickal level, you can remove the bond from your side…but over time they will reestablish the bond because it’s their issue. The only real way to stop it would be to resolve the karma and that’s why the spell works the way it does.

It doesn’t create negative karma. The key is the spell dissolves and resolves any negative karmic bond. The resolution of karma is in line with Universal Law – can allow the 3rd party to realign with Universal Law and actually solve the problem rather than fire fighting.

It may be the person at the source needs to resolve it to move on and develop and if you detroy the Karmic bond entirely, their option to evolve beyond it might be interrupted. Denying them their Karma would create negative karma!

The spell is bound to work only in alignment with Universal Law…so we have to trust to the Universe to resolve or dissolve as appropriate. We can’t decide what’s best for the other person. But the Universe can be trusted. We are all united by Universal Law (Dharma) which is the evolution spiritually of all things. All people. All creation.

Protection spells and reversals are not used to retaliate. I wrote them to ensure they couldn’t be compromised in any way by our emotions or intentions. Emotionally if someone hits you, you may want to hit them back rather than just protect yourself. So the spells are written to make sure we don’t inadvertantly cause harm in the heat of the moment. But instead work to establish harmony from the inside out.

It’s down to the Universe whether a bond can be dissolved or needs to be returned for resolution. If we think otherwise, it’s the ego talking. The Higher Self seeks harmony and balance; alignment with Universal Law.

All my workings follow this philosophy. I don’t use black magick. And I have studied and practiced magick for nearly 28 years…I don’t claim to be an authority but I definitely understand now principles I didn’t understand as a teenager!

I won’t do spells on 3rd parties or without the recipient’s consent. No spell should ever be done without the focus of that spell knowing about it. It’s very important – not only Karmically…but a spell done without someone’s knowledge or consent is far less likely to have any lasting result!

Even a spell for healing, if done without the subject’s consent would be black magick regardless of the caster’s intention; it would mean manipulation of their free will and that’s the kind of magick that always carries karmic debt. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions and magickally that’s something you need to know and understand.

Most black magick is carried out by amateurs in the “name of love” for what the mage/witch believes is a good intention. But the fact they consider they know best is testament to the fact it’s the ego calling the shots. Not the Higher Will.

A good test is, if you want to do a spell for a third party but you want to hide the fact from them, there can’t be a truly karmically sound intention.

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AnnaLouiseMay YouTube Channel | Vlogs, Blogs, Streams of Consciousness | ASMR | Aspergirl | Magick | New Age | Energy Healing | Natural Beauty | Health & Happiness

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Fancy picsart selfie – epic Bathtime!

Green moodlights & Lush Guardian of the Forest BathBomb. Listening to Lana Del Rey. Smell v vanilla (American Cream conditioner).

Drinking greendrink with apple cider vinegar & maplesyrup.

My pookie (aka Elvis) out tonight doing TeddyBoy stuff. I’m in, and taking my routine at a decadent pace!

I have mentioned before, sometimes I have real problems editing my blogs. Apparently this is not uncommon with Higher Functioning Autism…my brain jumps from idea to idea…and touch typing means most blogs I intend as articles end up more of a stream of consciousness. Covering too many topics and ending up a bit of mess! Some are fine. But some I am not at all pleased with. So, as far as blogging goes, I’m still “developing my style”.

My blogs are intended to be informal rather than scientific articles. Just blogs about things that interest me. General updates in my personal life. Ponderings on the philosophy of magick (as a path to Self-Realisation) and psychology.

Many blogs are inspired by questions from students and clients of Maya Magickal Spells & Personalised Initiation Programmes and Mayastar Academy Online Natural Energy Healing & Spiritual Development Courses – but at the same time, I include articles about my hobbies…so it is a bit varied. A blog about how I get “grunge hair” without using heat or styling products; a review of a mineral powder foundation; how I mix my henna for an easier rinse etc. It’s intended to personal…but also informative. I think in the main it appeals to peoole who are a bit like me and share my interests or hobbies.

So I hope my blog is useful and people enjoy it. But I do see there needs to be some change with my editing failure. Bear with me – I’m sure I will strike a balance at some point!

However, since I uploaded my first YouTube video at Christmas (because my nephew pressed record when I tried to get a nice family photo)…I have been wondering if maybe vlogging could be more suitable for some of my blogs. Possibly even make some things more accessible.

At first I thought I wouldn’t have the confidence to be able to do it. So, I have mulled it over a lot. Considering how I could approach it. What would feel right. And how it might be received.

My aspergers also means I sometimes don’t speak…or I speak quietly. And that was a concern – would vlogging mean the stream of consciousness style was a problem with videos too? Would I feel it was too personal or intrusive as well.

I have been working with ASMR quiet speaking in my magickal work for a long time. I even choreographed some silent rituals or rituals that only have chants. And it’s worked very well for me. And because I am nocturnal I find by nature, I tend to whisper a lot as a way of naturally winding down at bedtime after my meditation work is finished.

So it’s that habit that gave me the idea for the format I would like to work with.

I really have no idea if it would be interesting to other people. I know I’m not the only ASMR fan out there but I am not planning random brushing sounds or hypnotic role play style vids. My plan was to use part of my day to record a “chat”. And to keep it varied and informative and informal. Relaxing and with relaxing background sounds etc.

I’m intending the format to work for me and viewers. But the channel to be a new way to share information that I haven’t tried before. It may even work well as a way to talk about subjects I intend to blog about later – a way to help me to avoid my stream of consciousness blog problem!

I know trolling on YouTube can be pretty bad…but definitely trolls a minority. Just a small minority with a big mouth! So I may get some negative feedback. That isn’t a problem. Constructive criticism is useful.
.destructive criticism is something I ignore. And the only way to see if it works will be to bite the bullet and try it!

I tried a few sample recordings and realised the mic on my mobile is not sufficient…too much hiss which would be problem with the quiet speaking/whispering style. Though I will upload one from my phone because I would like to see the difference in quality with my (brand spanking new) camcorder!

It took a while to find one that has an audio input. But for the style I want to use, it’s going to be essential.

Also the camera I chose is small and has a built in stand. Which will help keep my vids informal. A bit of the vibe of a personal chat. Hoping if people like the style and the content, it will be a fantastically useful way to share info and ideas.

So…watch this space!

Anna Louise May (Maya) | Mystic Muse & Artist

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