Tag Archive | higher consciousness

What is a Narcissist? The Spiritual Damage & Self Healing When they’re gone! (From a Psychic Perspective)

I have blogged before about Narcissistic Personality Disorder & the psychic effect it has on those around the Narcissist. 

One of the most common problems people face after being involved in any context, with someone who is narcissistic (self centred…remember not everyone with selfish tendencies is classified narcissist but they may share some of the issues and create similar problems…resulting in similar fall out for those around them).

A narcissist is unconscious of the value and autonomy of people around them. In many ways their situation is like that of a child trapped in the “terrible twos” – complete with tantrums, deception and a childish belief that the world revolves around them.

Most grow out of this stage. It is the emergence of the Ego and in many ways the beginning of psychological autonomy. So it’s considered and is a natural growth phase. And beyond it the higher faculties are developed – empathy in particular and the ability to identify with others and to know humility.

In the narcissist something internal or external stunts this growth. Narcissistic brains tend to be highly intelligent and the process of maturation takes longer. It may be that certain stages are bypassed and emotional maturity is never achieved…it may be that being treated as an over achiever during their extended formative years means that those with narcissistic tendencies experience a longer period in which things can go wrong; that nature and nurture combine to inhibit the realisation of objective consciousness.

That’s just a theory. But as an autistic I have always found narcissists a curiosity and a proof that the theory about autistic people lacking empathy is not the case. I can only speak for myself in that and with my family members but early on I seemed to overly empathise. I never had tantrums. I never rebelled. And I think autistics with high functioning either develop so quickly through the ego phase or it’s so insignificant to our sense of reality (which is very abstract generally), we are the psychological opposite of narcissists in many ways.

I certainly feel narcissistic people seem to have a problem with me because their usual manipulations or attention seeking/self validating behaviours don’t exert the desired response from me.

Narcissistic personalities can be covert or overt and the abuse they perpetuate depends much on their type. Coverts can be very controlling and manipulative – mind games, martyr complexes and hyperchondria that means they can assume a victim role throughout life. Overts may be more obvious. Talking over you or verbally abusing you. They may even become physically abusive.

But the real damage is caused by the controlling behaviours however they are expressed. The genuine victim of a narcissist often questions their own sanity and wonders if they are the narcissist. And narcissists encourage that kind of blurring of the edges…where they end and you begin.

This kind of manipulation of reality that leaves you wondering just what you’re seeing and doubting yourself is called “gas lighting” and is a deliberate tactic in control and manipulation. 

Of all abuses I think this gradual undermining of another’s sense of self and sense of reality has the most insidious side effects. It happens so gradually and is common to all narcissistic types and it casts the longest shadow in victims because of its very nature.

Addressing and removing yourself from s situation of physical or verbal abuse is easy to see. The damage done by the gas lighting really isn’t and it’s more prevalent because covert narcissists do the same thing.

Psychically this leaves the victim with the fear that they are the “bad one”; deficient in some way; unprofessional and to blame. A feeling that can take a very long time to move on from because of its nebulous nature.

Remember, the narcissist doesn’t ever stop to wonder if they are at fault. This is the chasm between the narcissist and others. Their sense of entitlement and lack of consciousness and self awareness. For them, it’s a given that the fault is someone else’s so if you are left doubting yourself, you are not the narcissist.

This kind of undermining of the victim creates problems though. Low self esteem. Anxiety. A tendency to over analyse or take on more responsibility in any given situation than is realistic. But worst I think is the sense of unreality. The  victim buys into the narcissist’s view and sacrifices their own and regaining that centering isn’t easy.

On a psychic level this is the real damage of the psychic attack. There are implications on all levels and spiritually it can cause all kinds of ambivalence as the mind swings from idea to idea seeking a truth.

Many clients and students come to me to begin healing this sense of ungroundedness. And energy healing, meditation and certain rituals can certainly help. But it is as if you leave the relationship or connection with an addiction. An addiction to a person or a habit of allowing them to think for you. And that can feel disorientating or terrifying by turns for a long time. It takes time to heal and the first step is acknowledging you are not imagining it.

The psychological damage caused is what we would call a psychic attack and because you’re juggling the other attacks you may not notice it happening.

But despite the nightmare of it, if you choose the right tools to help you through, you can gain great insight into yourself and a unique perspective of the world and of life.

It creates an opportunity where you have to start again because you can’t go back to a point before happened. Starting from scratch with experience and wisdom means you have access to a greater potential happiness than you had in the past. It won’t be easy! But I can personally vouch for the fact that energy work, meditation and magick can make it easier!

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A Magickal Info Blog | Is Lying Abuse? | Manipulation | Psychic Attack | Black Magick | Intention | Deception | “An it Harm None” | Ethics | Karma | Forgiveness | The Danger of Passivity

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Today’s bathtime blog is about lying…what are the magickal implications of deception? What are the Karmic implications of lying from a philosophical stand point and what is the Magickal standpoint!?

Many will simply summarise magick and the philosophy of “real magick” (the path to Self-Realisation) in a few terms that they fail to qualify with definition or explanation, rendering them essentially meaningless!

I am endeavouring to ensure my blogs don’t make assumptions about definitions so sometimes I will reitterate basic precepts before providing an analysis on the subject at hand. The analysis is a personal and subjective understanding…these are original articles; not copies!

An example of an unqualified meaninglesd statement is the often banded about definition of Magick: “Magick is the art of causing change to occur in accordance with Will.” Without a definition of Will, that doesn’t explain magick at all!

Also the often parrotted phrase “An it harm none, do what thou will” – is equally meaningless unless we define “harm” and “will”.

So this blog will begin with an over view of magick. The definition of terms. And then elaborate on the conclusions we can draw. I may include a personal anecdote as an example…I will see if I think that would assist in my “analysis” and make some concepts a bit more accessible by looking at a recent situation that inspired this pondering!

Previous articles about my magickal work (Maya Magickal Spells & Personalised Initiation Programmes) have briefly described the actual definition of Magick. But in my blog I like to cover some more specific details. I think that way it helps to illustrate things that enable a better understanding.

So let’s begin with an overview of what Magick is…

Sometimes Magick is called a mystery religion or cult. Or “The Black Arts”. The latter may sound ominous but using the words “dark” or “black” around Magick refers to the secrecy and hidden or symbolic meaning around it. Not to any tendency to darkness. But to remind us that Magick itself is an abstract process that we undertake in order to advance spiritually.

The rituals and magickal tools common to Western Tradition Magick…even the words we use when describing Magick or practising ritual, need to be understood as symbolic of the reality they represent. Otherwise Magick would be a combinations of play acting and wishful thinking!

Magick is the path to Self-Realisation for those moved (or “called”) to reconnect in a personal sense with that abstract divinity that exists within us; without us; and in all ways transcends us.

Magick doesn’t refer to a specific method of achieving this. The whole life of a person is part of their development. Every experience is an opportunity to apply those principles that are an expression of our highest, purest and most perfect Self. The Higher Self.

Living out that Philosophy of Magick means we are striving consciously to align our actions, thoughts and feelings with our Higher Self. The Higher Self is the Source of our Will: Our Truth.

This is a major commitment to a process rather than a practice because there is no part of your life that doesn’t have significance. The most mundane elements of life are as important as the most transcendental when we consider them from the objective stance of the Philosophy of Magick. So as a path, it isn’t appealing to everyone. It isn’t a shortcut. It really is a devotion to the process of “refinement” and marked by the discipline to make our choices based on our Higher Will in all aspects of life.

Even for the most commited, this isn’t an “easy” choice. It’s a series of choices and it does become easier but it often means we’re required the right thing to remain in alignment with our intentions.

We will experience the same challenges with family commitments, work, relationships, making ends meet and social situations that may seem more easily solved in the short term by ignoring our Higher Will. We may struggle with dependence on drugs or alcohol. We may over eat or partake in other self destructive behaviours. All many of things can pose obstacles. But obstacles can provide us with the opportunity to exceed ourselves and may be a vital part of our development. But everyone will struggle sometimes with these things from time to time and it’s natural that sometimes we will lose perspective and need to resolve that later.

These things may set us at odds with our Will. Our apparently immediate needs may sometimes eclipse our ability to retain alignment with our Truth.

We may sometimes take time to recognise the state of incongruity we are in. And we may find we are very eloquent when it comes to justifying our bad choices over those we know instinctively would be a closer match to those of the True Will.

So The Will as far as Magickal Philosphy is concerned, is the Truth of our Highest Intentions. It requires a lot of discipline, dedication and development of Self Awareness for us to approach the realisation of that Truth. Anything that we do that isn’t in alignment with that truth is born of lower needs or desires. The “wants” of ego based consciousness.

Magick doesn’t mean destroying the ego, but it does mean making our Higher Will second nature and reconciling our ego to this; accepting it with a different perspective so we keep a balance on all levels.

Retaining balance isn’t easy – most will develop/evolve spiritually and emotionally throughout their lives with swings back and forth between our Higher and Lower intentions. Magick means being active in the process of seeking that balance in order that we may progress spiritually.

So we have covered Magick…and the Will and how that fits into the Philosophy of Magick, lets have a look at the second statement…

“An it harm none, do what thou Will” already has some clarification with the definition of Will.

However, this is often soooo badly misinterpreted as the idea of the freedom to hedonistic indulgences by the less self-aware among us! Those with a very ego based consciousness find such a concept attractive. But doing our Will doesn’t mean the same as doing what we “want”.

That would be very primitive and ego based interpretation of “Will”. It would define our base urges and wants as being our primary motivation in life. So the aspiring Mage’s first lesson is to learn the difference!

Those seeking to learn Magick would do well to additionally study Yoga (especially Bhakti Yoga which is very similar philosophically to Magick); and Carl Jung’s work on psychoanalysis and the process of individuation.

Now…”harm”. How would we define it…magickally. Magickally speaking the intention to cause someone harm is obviously unacceptable. Such an intention would have a hindering effect on the subject’s evolution consciously. Keeping them bound to an Ego centred state.

Ego based consciousness is an emotionally immature state that reflects a spiritually immature state. So hindering your own development would not be congruent with the True Will. That’s the first very basic problem with lying. But by far it’s only the start of the problem.

A famous man once said “Judge not, lest ye be judged”. An idea that concisely summarises the problem of negative intentions projected outward: the subject is affected by their intention far more than the object of their intention. Lying is an intentional act.

Projecting negative intentions can have a restrictive effect on the other person too. Negative bonds can be created through this and over time may affect the object on an energetic level. That creates a Karmic debt between the negative intender and the victim of one. A situation that is potentially increasingly harmful if it persists. (Reversal spells are used to resolve and dissolve negative karmic bonds however they are created – for example The Nataraj Dance of Destruction Tantric Shamanic Ritual).

Ego centred mindsets such as those in Narcissistic Personality Disordered people can create a lot of them too. Sometimes deliberately and sometimes unconsciously. The problem being they don’t have a sense of needing to resolve the imbalance they create – so people around them may find themselves manipulated or deceived because the conscience of the perpetrator lacks the normal conscience that prevents most of us directing our bad intentions outward.

Magick is the path to Spiritual Maturity but it is reflected in our mental and emotional lives too so if someone seems badly adjusted emotionally, you can know that there is a spiritual and mental component to that imbalance.

So harm, in a magickal sense, is any action or choice made that has a negative impact on yourself or on another. A negative impact means anything that may inhibit the evolution of consciousness and self realisation for yourself or another.

Most black magick is carried out by amateurs in the form of healing spells or love spells which they believe are well intended. However, no one has the position of authority to decide what’s right for another person. If you have their permission that’s different. If you don’t, it’s black magick and is being used to manipulate another person to conform to your wishes as if you were the authority. So no matter how well intended it may be, Karmically you are doing a bad thing. Magickally your Ego is calling the shots and it’s liable to hurt you and others.

Everyone has the choice. And sometimes part of our soul development means we need to suffer in some ways. We may need to hit rock bottom from time to time to be able to realise our potential. And as much as it may be hard to see someone suffer, you never have the right to try to remove that without their consent. Nor should you. You wouldn’t inject an upset person to stop them crying. It would be wrong. Doing a similar thing using magick is the same karmically. Doing it by lying to them is the same. All are methods of manipulation and control that involve taking away someone’s opportunity to learn from a mistake or a painful situation. That might be the worst kind of harm you could do to them; deny them their potential.

It’s important for any aspiring magician, witch or mystic to learn to recognise these red flags in their own behaviour and to resolve them; not to passively assume they will sort themselves out. Passivity is also a choice. Standing by and doing nothing when you witness an injustice comes with a Karmic price. And choosing not to consciously deal with your own problems means your consciously accepting those problems.

Conscious neglect may be as harmful to the aspirant as it is to people around them. A habit of “opting out” can be a destructive habit. And choice to make no choice so there is a Karmic debt associated with it.

If you’re following this train of thought regarding the situation of lying…it’s a question that you have probably found an answer to a couple of paragraphs back!

Yes. Lying is manipulation and magickally synonymous with black magick as is any attempt by any other means to manipulate someone to conform to your wants (your Ego).

It requires a conscious decision to perpetuate such a crime against another; a decision defines you. You can’t be in alignment with your Truth if you’re able to lie to another person. It’s simply not possible.

We know the harm that lying does to the liar psychologically. They condemn themselves to exist in a world where everyone is a potential enemy and to an extent dehumanised. This means they can’t truly trust so cannot truly love. They are bound by their actions.

The evolution of consciousness requires honesty as basis. If we can’t be completely honest with ourselves, we’re kind of doomed to remain emotionally and spiritually stunted. Also over time such a bad habit can lead to paranoid thinking and delusion.

So before you try to justify lying by ommission or justify the use of “a white lie” to save someone’s feelings, consider the true implications of deception…

Drug addicts can justify self destructive behaviours till the cows come home. Then they can justify their self destructive behaviours to the cows. But did justification in the mind of any junkie or alcoholic of their own bad habits ever save them from an overdose or liver damage? Of course not.

Justifying your reason for lying is similarly pointless. Potentially dangerous because your trying to delude yourself. Essentially trying to brainwash yourself to make the unacceptable, acceptable to you.

I will use the personal anecdote to illustrate this…

Recently an ex got in touch with me. He claimed he wanted forgiveness for essentially scamming me two years ago. His crime was deception. But how this escalated and the conclusion of the story sort of illustrates how damaging it was ultimately to him and everyone around him.

His lies to me began as claims he was doing work for me. Learning software to convert my website. I paid him monthly for this. He was my fiance and I didn’t think a 40 year old man needed to be chased up. I didn’t consider he might just be nothing at all. I found that out later though that he had been accepting the money and not doing any of the work at all.

I am a busy person and I enjoy my work and my hobbies so I didn’t have the time nor the resources to babysit someone who didn’t have any initiative or principles by constantly being “on them”. Also, as a 40 year old man I expected him to have some ethics! A fair enough assumption but ultimately incorrect! So his first lies were by ommission and half truths.

When he left it was undoubtedly because he knew I would find him out.

But in order to leave he had to come up with lies for his family as to why he was “running away”. It was a mystery to me what he could have come up with that would even be believable. His family know I work for myself. I have my own home. I work hard and I enjoy my work. They know I am a bit of a hippie and a bit of a bohemian. But also that I am disciplined when it comes to my work and my life – I keep fit, I dance, I play music and study. And most of all, that information isn’t a secret. Because my work is primarily web based (Mayastar Academy Online Natural Healing & Spiritual Development Courses and Maya Magickal Spells & Personalised Initiation Programmes ) and has been since 2004, I have a significant online presence. I keep this blog of course…but also I use social media as part of my work and in my hobbies. So anyone typing “annalouisemay” into Google would quite quickly find out what I’m doing half the time!

So I guessed he lied to his elderly parents hoping they wouldn’t be computer literate enough to find out the truth.

Anyway. That was two years ago and I have a life…so I moved on. His email wasn’t expected and I was honest with him saying, you can email me and I will read it but I don’t know that I will be able to forgive you because I have moved on and I don’t think I care enough to be moved one way or the other by anything you have to say.

And he emailed me his “explanation” for his 14 month “long con”. He had a lot of excuses…nothing that would in any way justify his behaviour. And it came off as a list of excuses. Not an apology at all but rather an attempt to vindicate himself…to assuage the problematic “holes” in his story for his own benefit. It definitely didn’t indicate any sense of personal responsibility or genuine contrition.

It wasn’t even the truth in fact. He claimed he had lied to his parents about his life being at risk because of me a Witch. He didn’t elaborate on how that was put to his parents though. Did he claim I threatened him? That I was a satanist? That I was going to turn him into a toad? (Which in retrospect might have been considered “trading up” as I have never met a manipulative toad!). So even his “confession” had so many omissions as to render it unbelievable.

That illustrates very clearly the problem with lying. He was very paranoid for the last few months he was here. To the point I contacted his family to find out if he had a history of mental illness or something.

They indicated he didn’t. Looking back I expect the longer he strung me along the more worried he would have become that I would find out so his behaviour changed very gradually. And then hit the fan because we were due to visit his family that spring and he knew at that point he would be exposed.

Another point to mention is that whatever reason you consider lying to another person for, it’s always setting you up as responsible for the outcome and dehumanising your peers. A very lonely position to end up in. But an inevitable one when manipulation of another person or people in general, is legitised by the liar.

My example is sort of anecdotal – but the pattern of how “what goes around comes around” and how the deception may have begun as him lying to himself. Then lying by ommission to me. Then lying outright to me. But ended up with him lying to his whole family…and now being trapped by his own lies into living a lie. Two years on still seeking vindication from me to patch up his unstable mindset.

He does claim he lied for all kinds of reasons including undiagnosed mental illnesses. Unfortunately, once someone’s begun to lie like that, their reasoning doesn’t sound plausible.

So my advice would be, don’t lie! There isn’t such thing as a white lie. These things always come back around. Any form of deception is a form of manipulation and is by definition, harmful.

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Psychic Development | Meditation | Magick | Spells | Clairvoyance | Initiation | LightBody Activation | Spiritual Growth | Intuition | Magick & Mysticism | Self-Realisation | The Great Work

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Bathtime Blogging…today green moodlights with a Guardian of the Forest BathBomb from Lush & listening to motown.

Ponderings of the day are around my work and questions people ask about magick…

Useful dark moon at the moment so this weekend’s been quite busy with reversal spells and similar. But the dark moon isn’t only for those kind of spells…

It’s a good time for magick focused developing psychic or magickal skills. A good time for spells to enhance sensitivity to subtle energy, for deep healing and initiation work.

Most people have some level of ability and certain talents will naturally occur as a person works on their spiritual development – often as a consequence of clearing hindering factors rather than consciously seeking growth. Magick is often more a process of “cutting the crap” – those restrictions and impediments that hold us back, than it is a process of development.  The intention of the person and their level of consciousness is very individual so there are no hard and fast rules. Everyone’s journey of Self-Realisation is unique.

In a very general way, as ego consciousness is replaced (or more accurately, integrated) our capacity for intuition and talents that can manifest as it increases, will grow. And when we accelerate the process consciously, it’s vital to maintain our objective consciousness of we are to truly make any real advances. Self awareness is vital in this process and journalling is a great way to maintain this. It’s considered usual for a mage or witch to keep a “magickal diary” or “Book of Shadows” and that’s not just an archaic tradition but an important tool in conscious development work.

Although we will all have tendencies to natural talents and magickal skills that become more powerful as we take the journey to Self-Realisation, it is possible to enhance them. It’s a case of working to develop the natural skill without creating any imbalance in the energy body. Imbalance is often what restricts attempts for spiritual development. So it’s something that can be assisted but can’t be forced. So you need to understand that you’re assisting a natural process, not trying to artificially harness a “supernatural” one.

One of the main hindering factors in the process of Magick (which is the journey to Self-Realisation) is created when people enter into a phase of “looking for results”…where they are looking for external validation of an internal process and get into a habit of not looking further than that. They msy lose perspective and though they may manifest some skills in (for example) psychic awareness or aura scanning, their energy becomes unbalanced because it’s not properly grounded and the ego is dominant in the consciousness. It may seem you’re making progress but then you hit a wall. And a change in your methods of development is needed.

These are phases that all people go through – they are part of a progressive journey. But at times where unbalanced development occurs, the block it creates can have unwanted side effects on other levels. Sometimes they can be hard to recognise until they are at a harmful level. And the ego tends to try to deny them as if they are a personal flaw.

Most commonly people notice they have developed a tendency to be oversensitive to the negative energies of others and think that’s a sign of their advanced intuition. It’s really not – it’s a sign of being ungrounded. But where ego consciousness has a loud voice, it can be a time where the aspirant really needs to study their motivations if they are to progress.

If an unbalanced energetic state is maintained for a prolonged period, the person may even experience physical health problems from deficient energy in some areas and too much in others. The process of journalling can be very useful in identifying these things. It’s important to take care not to pin all your health experiences (physical, mental, emotional or spiritual) on energy imbalance…sometimes it’s completely the other way round; a physical or emotional problem creating an imbalance on an energetic level. So any issues should be addressed on all levels.

Other symptoms that can manifest if there’s a lack of grounding are tendencies to overeat, over exercise, even to abuse alcohol or drugs – in an attempt to “ground”. Such strategies may even seem to work temporarily but they are not a solution. They will always become a hindering factor. It can mean you seem to take one step forward and two steps back every time you make a conscious effort to “advance” in spiritual or magickal sense. But don’t lose heart! This is a natural part of our development consciously – we learn by our mistakes essentially. But we only learn if we admit there’s a problem and seek a solution.

Understand, you will advance naturally. Growth, progreass and evolution are the natural order of things. Assisting the process isn’t the same as forcing the process before you’re equipped (mentally and emotionally) to do it safely.

There are some yogic techniques criticised for forcing the process and causing problems. Intensive meditation practices can seem to do the same. So keep writing it down. Condensing your experiences and intentions into words is an important tool and can prevent the pitfalls of those actively pursuing the magickal path.

There are a number of magickal and energy healing/meditation options I provide for people who find themselves – they can facilitate development, teach new techniques and assist you in your spiritual goals. It’s a very important part of my practice as both a Mystic and a Witch.

The Killing Moon Karmic Reversal 30 Day Ritual Intensive is an important option for releasing you from hindering elements. That’s why reversal workings in general are often useful even as a preliminary preparation for development work. The intensive is like a powerful healing in fact; helping to release you from those things that are impediments to your development. Often these may be attachments you have formed to situations or memories that you’ve actually outgrown but haven’t consciously accepted that so some element keeps you connected to them. Restrictive lifestyle habits or belief patterns can also be a big part of what we perceive as the hurdles that hold us back. As I said, often Magick is a process of “cutting the crap” and that’s why this particular working is so effective and important.

The LightBody Activation Initiation Intensive was designed specifically for rebalancing and allowing a full expression of your psychic skills – it also has a balancing effect and may manifest deep spiritual healing.

Combined with the Killing Moon Karmic Reversal I would recommend the Initiation Intensive as the most comprehensive solution.  But there are other options that can be very useful…

I would recommend anyone serious about the development of psychic or magickal skills to practice daily meditation and journalling as essential to maintain higher consciousness and objectivity. There are number of courses I would recommend for this: The Avalonian Trilogy, Kundalini Reiki and Elemental Pentagram courses are all good options – not just for maintaining balance; conscious actions align you more fully with your intentions and facilitate growth in ways that a passive “wishful thinking” doesn’t. Intention is all important but acting on your intentions resolves problems of inner conflict and makes the process more effective. You can’t get serious about using magick if you don’t want to be serious about your commitment to manifesting your higher will.

If you think a spell is a short cut, it w3ould only ever manifest as a “quick fix” with limited or short lived success, because your consciousness simply wasn’t in alignment with your intention. If you’re at odds with yourself, you pretty much undermine your own progress. So I say again…keep a journal. It’s an indispensable tool in maintaining your perspective.

The ego often makes demands for “power” or “control” that people misinterpret as a “calling”. And very simply, if your “success” or “satisfaction” is centred on the external validation of your intentions, they are not really intentions but base desires or demands originating from the ego. Ultimately they will hold you back – and at the same time may inflate your belief in your own proficiency, importance and sense of “power”. The illusion of ego based definitions is the biggest opponent to your higher will.

If you’re sure you’ve achieved balance and eliminated hindrances and that your intentions are motivated by your higher will, then the Goddess Aradia Tantric Shamanic Ritual with Divinity Assumption can be tailored as a personal initiation. It allows you to be consciously involved in the process of the ritual and to align more fully with your personal and spiritual goals. So it can be used to enhance the talents or skills you have.

The process is simple and available to anyone, whatever their proficiency. It’s also safe and I make the process as accessible as possible for serious seekers.

The Aradia working can even be specifically tailored to increase your ability in divination, energy work or clairvoyance – any expression of those natural skills that manifest as we develop spiritually. But a balanced base allows for a more powerful experience and more profound change. Hence my emphasis on Karmic Reversal. It levels the playing field so change manifests more quickly and fully and permanently.

A process of regular Tantric Shamanic Rituals with Divinity Assumption Channellings can be a great way to work towards your ascension goals.

Useful links with specific information about my recommended options are detailed below:

Killing Moon Karmic Reversal 30 Day Ritual Intensive

Maya Magickal Spells

Goddess Aradia Dance if Desire Tantric Shamanic Ritual with Divinity Assumption

Avalonian Alignment Energy Healing & Meditation

Online Kundalini Reiki Course

Elemental Pentagram Distance Learning Attunement Course

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Does Atypical Empathy Dispose One to Violence, Cruelty or Impulsivity? | Narcissism | Autism | Consciousness | Violence | Psychology | Philosophy | Wise Women | Witches | Hikikomori | Hermits | Mystics

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Bathtime blogging – continued pondering on the difference between ego based personalities and non-ego based…

It’s a curiosity to me that people with Narcissistic Personality Disorders…such as sociopathy and psychopathy, are described as of higher than average intelligence – as am I, as a higher functioning autistic. However, I find the explanation proposed as the root their tendency of narcissistic personality types to abusive or selfish behaviours doesn’t sit well with me.

It is proposed to be rooted in a physiological difference in the narcissistic brain which means their higher intellect usually comes with a deficiency in socialisation and that this is specifically expressed as a lack of empathy.

Why do I find this such an insufficient explanation? Because I am autistic. Specifically, I am Aspergers. My IQ is high. My need for social feedback is low and always has been. So why am I not a psychopath?

Autism is often undiagnosed in women because typically they learn to “fake it” better than men. Those are all sweeping generalisations of course but for the purpose of pondering are hopefully sufficient.

This apparent justification of a tendency to cruelty or violence due to a lack of the normal mechanism of empathy doesn’t make sense to me. It really doesn’t. If that was the underlying cause, autism would increase your risk of being psychopathic. But it doesn’t.

Also, after some self analysis, I can confirm that I do have empathy. But I think maybe I learnt it via more intellectual process than neurotypicals do.
I have never had a tendency to violence. I have always had very high principles and my family actually considered me an “authority” on moral issues from a very young age. I can work things out in a dispassionate way even while experiencing the emotions…somehow I experience them from a position of observation. The chances of me doing something impulsive or without self awareness are so remote as to be pretty much impossible for someone like me. So reacting to aggression with aggression doesn’t happen. It is a puzzle to me that some psychopaths can’t do this. And I think it’s rooted in emotional intelligence. It’s the point at which the autistic and the narcissist part ways.

I suppose my reputation as an “ice queen” comes from that seeming impassive view point. It could very look like I have no emotional reaction to emotional situations. Like there is a disconnect. But that’s only how it looks. I know how it feels and can describe it. That trademark autistic “blankness” doesn’t mean I have no empathy or no emotions…but it does mean I am less likely to act out or react impulsively.

It does mean by nature I am a bit of a shut in…a natural hermit. Some Hikikomori are high functioning autistics as well.

The tendency to emotional self reliance seems offensive to some people. But there have always been hermits. “Troubled geniuses”. In the past they were considered the spinsters, midwives, witch doctors, healers…they were sort of revered and feared.  But considered an important part of the human “tribe’; often as a bridge between the world and the metaphysical realith. We even consider witches to typically and traditionally be of this type. Same with mystics. In fact, I am so “normal” as the modern day hermit, I am nocturnal as well – something that was always attributed to people like me historically! Shamans, wild men, wise women, healers, counsellors…I decend “spiritually” from a long line of people who filled a similar place in society.

I tried to explain this to someone once…that my mind works in such an abstract way, that if I wanted to I could reason myself out of existence. That’s what hyper rationale is. It can sometimes look from the outside like people with autism act irrationally or think irrationally…in fact it’s the exact opposite and it can be a problem. Staying grounded is something I have to do consciously. I have to make normal stuff routine otherwise I might reason myself out of doing the things I need to do in order to only do things that use my brain!

I think most people with high functioning autism will naturally develop their own strategies for these things. I can’t spend my life studying and meditating but failing to eat or exercise or put the trash out. But my motivation for doing those things is probably very different to someone who is neurotypical. If I do my accounts properly and organise things properly, it means I don’t have to waste time thinking about things I think are mundane…things that seem “off my radar” in fact!

Anyway. Simply put, my mind works differently – but it’s not a disability to me – it’s more like an extra ability. My life is the way I like it. Those who know me understand me. Those who don’t are off my radar. Those who underestimate me or make assumptions about me tend to find me disturbing to be around!

But why would the increased intelligence, difference in empathy and social needs in Autism and Narcissism that are apparently similar, result in such different personality types?

All I can think is that the Narcissist perpetuates an immature emotional connection to their ego consciousness; they don’t mature emotionally the same way as others.

The Autistic doesn’t either. They seem to either move past it or never have it.

For my own part,  I have never rebelled…I never had tantrums…I never (even as a very small child) saw others as authority figures. The crazy independence was hard for my parents to deal with because it simply wasn’t possible to tell me what to do. Not because I was naughty…but because I really couldn’t be “corrected”.

When I think back, I think managing me would have been easier if they had approached me the way you approach training a dog! Because being told what to do or doing things without a reason or because the consequence was being told off weren’t deterrents to me!

I think Narcissistic personality types may seem to act similarly at times, but their motivation is so far alien to me, I don’t understand why they would be violent. It seems utterly nonsensical to me.

This has led me to conclude that perhaps the autistic spectrum and the narcissistic spectrum reflect the two sides of everyone’s mind. My autism puts me at one extreme…a psychopath is at the other end. I think maybe the less autistic you are, the more narcissistic you are. And there is a range we consider “normal” somewhere between the two.

More pondering required I think!

Anna Louise May FB

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Can a Narcissistic Mind Evolve a Conscience through Intellectualised Re-Framing of Life Experiences? | Consciousness | Narcissism | Higher Faculties | Love | Forgiveness | Judgement | Autism

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Bathtime Blogging…I am pondering a number of things at the moment. It began after my dad died…having aspergers seemed to allow me subjective and objective experience of his illness, his death, my own grief and the various ways of expressing grief that came to people around me that set me pondering…

Can a Narcissistic Mind Evolve a Conscience through Intellectualised Re-Framing of Life Experiences?

I don’t think anybody is better at life than others. All people are individual. Their potential is variable. So I don’t make observations to judge in any way, but literally as an observation. My asper brain intellectualises things and looks at the logic as if it’s a puzzle with a solution and not just a puzzle. So in articulating my considerations, I hope that they may set you pondering too!

The beginning of this train of thought was really initiated as I contemplated the different way in which I experience empathy as an Aspergirl compared to the experience of those around me. In the back of my mind was a concern that maybe I wouldn’t experience things “properly”.

When someone dies of cancer you get a warning. You take a journey with them. My dad had a very fast growing brain tumour. He lived 5 months after diagnosis. And that was WITH chemo slowing the tumour. The tumour was inoperable. It was the type that would have spread even if it could be slowed with radiotherapy and chemo. But even a non malignant brain tumour is fatal if it’s inoperable. So there was a journey of weeks for the diagnosis and then months of treatment. I am sure dad would have made the same decision about the chemo etc even if they had known it would only give him months…months instead of weeks. But even with a warning,  these things feel like they happen too quickly.

My dad had home hospice care and I saw him every day throughout. That was a good thing. I didn’t realise my mind was learning to accept the inevitable…I even wondered if my mind, specifically because of my autism, was able to accept it more easily because I couldn’t take any of it personally. And that’s where my questions began…would I experience death with my form of atypical empathy or was I at risk of being TOO rational.

I also considered perhaps my spiritual beliefs and the fact I could give healing to someone who was dying (Reiki and Violet Flame – both of which I teach through Mayastar). Did that give me a sense of being able to help someone to die peacefully, rather than react as if situation was all wrong and death was unnatural?

I continued to mull these things over. Looking at different personality types and considering their limitations, experiences and unique qualities.

I came away from this with the understanding that we all have a level of higher function (the ability to be objective and self aware), and we all have an ego. And both of these are present at different levels in different people…and they change over time. But how much can they change?

The ego doesn’t have the capacity for objectivity or self awareness. The ego really is the inner narcissist. It doesn’t develop emotionally beyond childish fears and tantrums. It demands external validation. And I think in people where one or other (subjective or objective mind) is dominant, they are “atypical”. Most people experience both to a degree and most people consciously continue to strive for a more objective understanding of their experiences as life goes on.

I think this shows up increasingly as people age. If they don’t move past their ego, they tend towards bitter. Sometimes almost paranoid. But generally they become antisocial as time goes on. In people we consider well adjusted, they balance this tendency to selfishness with an increased capacity for objective understanding – whether they pursue this consciously or it happens naturally probably depends on how balanced they were to begin with. These people seem to “mellow with age” and they are less likely to take on other people’s issues as personal or to consider life events as being “bad” or “wrong”. The exact opposite of the ego which takes everything personally.

Now, my autism may mean if anything I have a tendency to over rationalise – to the extent that some people find me kind of weird. Sometimes presenting a kind of blank slate. Often asking questions that some find intrusive. People who lie or who have a tend towards a narcissistic personality often take a dislike to people like me because we don’t provide them with the external validation or feedback they need. And we very well may ask them outright why their behaviour is as it is and they very well may not have the answers!

I don’t think you have to be autistic to run into this. Those people who persist in ego consciousness seem to “clash” with people a lot! They seem to ostracise themselves. Although I find this observation interesting, I find it hard to imagine how hard getting by in life must be if you are dependent on others to reinforce your sense of self…all the while feeling that you are entitled to that kind of attention. It’s almost like an addiction and I think the capacity of people whose ego is dominant (not to the extent of being classifiable as a narcissist but just more ego centred than the average person) must live on their nerves. Their capacity for experience of higher emotions like love; their capacity to forgive; their capacity for altruism; their capacity for feeling ok with themselves in many ways, is compromised. Their fear of not being accepted or of being judged is heightened. They may seem selfish and rude and arrogant…but scratch the surface and you find it’s all surface! The ego’s reasoned response to a question like “why do you feel a need to be rude to other people” is either going to begin “because they….” or “because I do”.

It’s led me to consider…without any answer…is it possible for a psychopath, sociopath or narcissist (all ego based personalities), to evolve beyond that selfish view point? To overcome the illusion of their own importance the ego insists upon? To develop a level of emotional maturity even without the normal capacity for empathy? Is it possible for a serial killer (as an extreme example), to feel true remorse? Genuinely and not just theoretically? (And I mean remorse…not regret!) Is it possible for extreme narcissistic personalities to learn to feel genuine remorse by reframing life experiences as an entirely intellectual process?

I really don’t know. But if you observe the reaction of people to serious life events…you can see they tend to swing between ego and higher function and find some balance. It’s normal for people to go through phases as they balance out.

I know there are people close to me who want to avenge me for things that have happened to me in the recent and distant past. They don’t think I should forgive. And sometimes I find it hard to explain…I haven’t forgiven in any real sense. Meaning, I haven’t set out to. But naturally over time have ceased to consider some things less and less important, until I naturally have “evolved” to a state of forgiveness. I think most people probably do this.

I personally can’t see the point of holding grudges against people I think are unworthy of them because I outgrew my connection to that person. They stayed as they were and I moved on. For me to blame them or be annoyed would be like being angry with a puppy for peeing on the new rug. It’s a puppy. I can’t reason with it “on a level”. And no matter how annoyed I am, it won’t make the puppy become human, apologise, clean the carpet and be like me. We can’t carry grudges or hold onto anger just because other people aren’t the same as us. Well, most of us would agree on that. The more narcissistic types probably wouldn’t. It’s very immature but the ego does think other people should be like we are otherwise any problems are their fault and they cause our problems. It sounds o absurd written down that I think evwn a narcissist would deny that train of thought. But their behaviour betrays them!

People who have caused me harm deliberately…abusive people and violent people; and one I would classify as a narcissist but could equally have a serious and untreated mood disorder. In fact the person in question claimed to have an undiagnosed mood disorder. But I think that was to justify their erratic behaviour or maybe even just to make themselves seem important! In fact their anger, compulsive lying and paranoia was classic for a narcissistic personality type and not for someone with clinical depression or bipolar disorder! They also claimed to be seeing a psychotherapist about their rage…and that was a verifiable lie. You can tell if a narcissist is lying by whether they are speaking or not!

Anyway, that is only my observation. I can’t diagnose those things and whatever their problem was, there’s nothing I can do about it and I wouldn’t be involved with someone like them. But because of their extremely strange and malicious behaviour, I do have to conclude that there’s no way I can take their issues personally; they have a problem. I can see how some people would find it hard not to take another person’s issues personally. Especially given the personal nature of some of the behaviour. So I can see that from the outside it looks so bad to other people that some feel there should be some kind of justice meted out…

I believe it is though. I don’t believe I need to be judge, jury or executioner for someone whose own personality is the bane of their existence. Karma is a component…but suffering from their own personality is also a punishment to them. They are their own worst enemies in many ways. Their lives are significantly diminished because of the way they think.

It may help that I can use magick in such situations to prevent being held back from sorting myself out by negative thoughts, intentions or actions. It’s such a common situation for the more emotionally mature that reversal spells form a very large part my ritual work for others (www.mayamagickal.net). I do consider that on a spiritual level, the destructive tendencies and negative intentions are akin to a intentional psychic attack and magick is a way to prevent you being caught up and unable to move forward. The immaturity of the ego leaves some volatile personality types with a kind of “emotional incontinence” that, I believe, causes harm and hindrance to victims of abusive relationships on an energetic level.

But after weighing up my personal experience and observations, the question remains after all my pondering: Can a narcissist learn to feel through an intellectualised process?

Perhaps my autism gives me a simplistic view and I am really not “getting it” – but it does seem to me that technically it should be possible. We all have two sides…and most people change as they become older and more experienced. Perhaps a lot of choices have to be made and perhaps we need an ideal to grow towards. So perhaps the narcissist falls at the first hurdle by not having the capacity to entertain an ideal! But, I still think technically it’s possible because we all have narcissistic qualities…and usually we do outgrow them. I’ve yet to observe a narcissist develop a conscience…but I do think technically it’s possible. Just very unlikely!

So endeth my bathtime blog of the day! Xxx

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