Tag Archive | emotional abuse

What is a Narcissist? The Spiritual Damage & Self Healing When they’re gone! (From a Psychic Perspective)

I have blogged before about Narcissistic Personality Disorder & the psychic effect it has on those around the Narcissist. 

One of the most common problems people face after being involved in any context, with someone who is narcissistic (self centred…remember not everyone with selfish tendencies is classified narcissist but they may share some of the issues and create similar problems…resulting in similar fall out for those around them).

A narcissist is unconscious of the value and autonomy of people around them. In many ways their situation is like that of a child trapped in the “terrible twos” – complete with tantrums, deception and a childish belief that the world revolves around them.

Most grow out of this stage. It is the emergence of the Ego and in many ways the beginning of psychological autonomy. So it’s considered and is a natural growth phase. And beyond it the higher faculties are developed – empathy in particular and the ability to identify with others and to know humility.

In the narcissist something internal or external stunts this growth. Narcissistic brains tend to be highly intelligent and the process of maturation takes longer. It may be that certain stages are bypassed and emotional maturity is never achieved…it may be that being treated as an over achiever during their extended formative years means that those with narcissistic tendencies experience a longer period in which things can go wrong; that nature and nurture combine to inhibit the realisation of objective consciousness.

That’s just a theory. But as an autistic I have always found narcissists a curiosity and a proof that the theory about autistic people lacking empathy is not the case. I can only speak for myself in that and with my family members but early on I seemed to overly empathise. I never had tantrums. I never rebelled. And I think autistics with high functioning either develop so quickly through the ego phase or it’s so insignificant to our sense of reality (which is very abstract generally), we are the psychological opposite of narcissists in many ways.

I certainly feel narcissistic people seem to have a problem with me because their usual manipulations or attention seeking/self validating behaviours don’t exert the desired response from me.

Narcissistic personalities can be covert or overt and the abuse they perpetuate depends much on their type. Coverts can be very controlling and manipulative – mind games, martyr complexes and hyperchondria that means they can assume a victim role throughout life. Overts may be more obvious. Talking over you or verbally abusing you. They may even become physically abusive.

But the real damage is caused by the controlling behaviours however they are expressed. The genuine victim of a narcissist often questions their own sanity and wonders if they are the narcissist. And narcissists encourage that kind of blurring of the edges…where they end and you begin.

This kind of manipulation of reality that leaves you wondering just what you’re seeing and doubting yourself is called “gas lighting” and is a deliberate tactic in control and manipulation. 

Of all abuses I think this gradual undermining of another’s sense of self and sense of reality has the most insidious side effects. It happens so gradually and is common to all narcissistic types and it casts the longest shadow in victims because of its very nature.

Addressing and removing yourself from s situation of physical or verbal abuse is easy to see. The damage done by the gas lighting really isn’t and it’s more prevalent because covert narcissists do the same thing.

Psychically this leaves the victim with the fear that they are the “bad one”; deficient in some way; unprofessional and to blame. A feeling that can take a very long time to move on from because of its nebulous nature.

Remember, the narcissist doesn’t ever stop to wonder if they are at fault. This is the chasm between the narcissist and others. Their sense of entitlement and lack of consciousness and self awareness. For them, it’s a given that the fault is someone else’s so if you are left doubting yourself, you are not the narcissist.

This kind of undermining of the victim creates problems though. Low self esteem. Anxiety. A tendency to over analyse or take on more responsibility in any given situation than is realistic. But worst I think is the sense of unreality. The  victim buys into the narcissist’s view and sacrifices their own and regaining that centering isn’t easy.

On a psychic level this is the real damage of the psychic attack. There are implications on all levels and spiritually it can cause all kinds of ambivalence as the mind swings from idea to idea seeking a truth.

Many clients and students come to me to begin healing this sense of ungroundedness. And energy healing, meditation and certain rituals can certainly help. But it is as if you leave the relationship or connection with an addiction. An addiction to a person or a habit of allowing them to think for you. And that can feel disorientating or terrifying by turns for a long time. It takes time to heal and the first step is acknowledging you are not imagining it.

The psychological damage caused is what we would call a psychic attack and because you’re juggling the other attacks you may not notice it happening.

But despite the nightmare of it, if you choose the right tools to help you through, you can gain great insight into yourself and a unique perspective of the world and of life.

It creates an opportunity where you have to start again because you can’t go back to a point before happened. Starting from scratch with experience and wisdom means you have access to a greater potential happiness than you had in the past. It won’t be easy! But I can personally vouch for the fact that energy work, meditation and magick can make it easier!

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I was raped. Courage & Self Realisation. Are life’s challenges our most powerful opportunities?

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOpWsw1Hvl8

22 Years ago, I was raped by my long term partner.

I was young and this had seemed to come out of the blue. He became physically, mentally and emotionally abusive after this…he also had 4 affairs that I know of during the 9 years total we were together.

Looking back, I regret not going to the police. And I regret not telling anyone or talking to anyone about it. If anyone finds themselves in a similar situation, please don’t deal with it by hiding it. They are the one at fault; and no matter how twisted they are and how manipulative they are (and they usually are)…managing to make sure you feel ashamed for something they should feel ashamed of…no matter how difficult it is, trust me when I say, spending your life covering for an abusive relationship or hiding an assault from people, means the attacker continues to do damage to you psychologically, long after the event is over.

Considering courage in the context of a magickal philosophy made me want to make a video about how courage isn’t about not being scared…it’s about how you handle being scared. It’s about learning to trust yourself to cope with fear and have faith in your own potential abilities to turn it around. Maybe even use it to your advantage in some way.

In that way, I can look back and say 22 years ago something really bad happened to me…but ultimately, it increased my potential to overcome fear, pain, suffering…and on some level, life’s challenges are those things that create the most powerful opportunities for us to prove ourselves. My self confidence and self esteem might not be what they are today had some of these things not happened in my past. They did force me to step up to mark in a way that may not have happened any other way. Perhaps ultimately, they made me a better person; a stronger person. And perhaps ultimately, making this video might help others too. I hope so.

They say that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. I would encourage that. Don’t let what doesn’t kill you make you angry, vengeful, bitter or afraid. In the strangest way, we have no control over what happens to us, but we have control over how we deal with it. See yourself as an empowered person and challenges can turn to opportunities.

Of course it’s not a simple thing; it took a lot of hard work. But do you really want to let the abusers, bullies, rapists of the world win you over to their way of seeing yourself as a victim?

PLEASE DON’T!

In considering an example it was the only situation I could think of where I was actually scared for my life…and it took me a long time to find the courage to end the relationship. I’m not proud of that. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. But anyone who has been in an abusive relationship or subject to a sexual assault…remember one thing – they are actually BREAKING THE LAW – it’s not a moral issue, it’s nothing to do with what you were wearing either. And there is a legal system that sometimes fails…but sometimes works. That is the system that rapists should face so you don’t have to allow their actions define you later. Again, this isn’t an easy thing at all. But my experience is…don’t harbor criminals.

I feel very strongly about it. It is perhaps my biggest regret not calling the police when it happened…because living with the secret was like dealing with something that happened to me (not something I did), over and over again. And it took a lot to move forward. I think it always would have – but I think I would have felt better about myself, the situation, the world, if I hadn’t kept the secrets of someone like that.

So I really intensely want to tell other victims of assault within or outside of relationships…PLEASE don’t suffer alone.

If you don’t know where to begin and seeing the police seems too difficult, tell a friend and have them phone the police. See your GP as an emergency and have them phone the police. Do whatever you can do. But don’t keep it to yourself.

Do anything you can to avoid falling into despair. Study psychotherapy…see a therapist…a counsellor…whatever help you can find, find it.

I feel like, worse than the event itself for me, were the 4 years of not even thinking to myself in words what kind of relationship I was in. I didn’t even tell myself. Let alone anyone else. That was a lot to deal with. It had a lot of consequences that dealing with it a different way wouldn’t have had.

Also remember…22 years later, things will look very different. I hadn’t lived 22 years when it actually happened…but looking back, I am a very different person now. It’s impossible to say what might ever happen to you in life…but I know for absolute certain, I would have been waiting at the police station door when it opened the next morning if it happened now.

We’re not defined by what other people do to us. Sometimes it feels like we are. But we’re not. And I dedicate my life to teaching courses that empower people (in various ways)…something I feel extremely inspired to do but something I couldn’t have imagined doing 22 years ago.

Time doesn’t heal…it’s what you do with the time that decides whether it heals…so if you can learn anything from my mistakes and my situation, please, please do. If I can make a difference to one person…save them the 4 year limbo…I’d donate a kidney to do it. So making this video, not my favourite subject, but the least I can do ❤

ALM (Mayastar)
http://www.mayastar.net

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Maya Magickal Spells | Justice By Right Spell | Variation of the Nataraj Dance of Destruction Reversal Ritual | Resolution of Psychic Attack, Physical, Mental, Emotional & Spiritual Abuse

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One of the spells I use least for clients is the Justice By Right Spell. There is a good reason for this! The most effective form of this spell is a Triple Working Intensive of the Nataraj Dance of Destruction Reversal Spell. In most situations where life is complicated by unknown elements, the Reversal is the best option. You don’t need to identify the cause for this spell to work.

Justice by Right is different in that it is used to invoke Universal Justice – speeding up karma. But if you are in denial about your role in the situation and you have brought problems on yourself by attitude or action, the Justice will by according to Universal Law…but not not necessarily according to your ego’s definition of it.

For that reason it’s important that you are 100% certain of the situation before you seek resolution using this spell. It won’t cause harm to another – you don’t get to choose how justice manifests. The point of the spell is for use when natural means have failed and the situation is not being resolved or simply can’t be. It is sometimes used in situations where administration problems are the problem rather than people. And there is only one circumstance where it is indicated if the source of the problem is another people or group of people; and that is where the deliberate actions of another person or group are taken to cause you harm (physical, mental, emotional or spiritual). If you are paranoid and you request this spell it could cause you problems. If you are a narcissist, it will back fire!

In personal situations where a family member,  partner or ex exhibits abusive behaviour (physical, mental, emotional or spiritual) to the point it’s affecting you on multiple levels and you can’t avoid them by natural means, it is a very useful spell.

Abusive personality types tend to continue negative campaigns and become fixated and that means the usual reversal/protection options may not be sufficient because their “attack” is deliberate and something they do habitually. If you are the latest casualty of an abuser, sadly it’s unlikely you will be the last. They don’t tend to learn from their mistakes. In most cases of narcissistic personality disordered people, even therapy makes them worse over time. So for anyone who finds themselves personally, professionally or romantically connected to someone of this type, the result is usually the same. Any significant time connected with one can leave victims feeling like victims and suffering symptoms of PTSD. So the situation is very serious.

This year I recommended the working to a client who was selling a house…her brother had caused ongoing problems and we had used reversals to try to counter it. But in the end it wasn’t enough. His motivation wasn’t to get his way – it was just to try to make sure she didn’t get hers. It had begun when they were children and it was escalating in a situation where it threatened to leave her out of pocket for court costs and with nowhere to live. While what his intention was became less and less obvious…until it was clear he only intended to make life difficult for her.

At the time I advised her:

“I think Justice By Right definitely would be the best and the fastest solution. It won’t harm him. If greed is his motivator it’s his own greed that will have harmed him.

I tend to recommend Justice By Right only when it comes to legal situations (by this point that was the way it was going) because most problems are complex and often we play a role in exacerbating them unconsciously because on a fundamental level we fear change. So a reversal works back from you to external links and can resolve/dissolve them and can even resolve or dissolve issues you have with yourself but only when you’re ready.

The trouble is, even when a psychic attack occurs it can be impossible to guess how or why…and most (originators of psychic attack) are unconscious of it. Not all abuses leave bruises. But I think from your situation your brother is essentially greedy and the “feel” of his energy like a gambler. I am not saying he is a narcissist but your descriptions and the general vibe make me think he tends that way and holds resentment towards you – the only times he has seemed to cooperate was when he was manipulating you into position as if you were a player in a game that only he was playing. I actually even suspect the problems you had with your previous accommodation may have been exacerbated by his “issue”.

I have one concern…what he is doing whether he realises it or not is black magick. Manipulation of another to serve his own ends. Between now and the court date, if things start going your way will he unconsciously/consciously ‘step up his game’ and cause more problems?”

As it was, we arranged a series of workings. The court case was dismissed. The brother continued to deny having any part in it but it came out due to his consistent harassment which was now recorded by the court! After the initial working he tried to contact her (before the court case) as if he didn’t know there was one. Something he hadn’t done for months which is why natural methods to resolve the situation weren’t possible.

However, after the spell intensive was completed, his harassment stopped and she was able to move on and sell the property. Which is what he had claimed to want but had prevented for months!

His actions were motivated primarily by a long standing jealousy. And it was difficult for her to admit to herself that he still held a grudge over childhood sibling rivalry, decades later, to the point he would do this to her and her children. It is hard for victims of abuse to admit it to themselves sometimes because it feels personal. They feel they must be mistaken. They must be paranoid. Or they are not sufficiently professional to deal with it.

Unfortunately that’s the biggest obstacle to dealing with the destructive tendencies of someone with NPD…they undermine their victim to the extent many victims think they are the problem. A narcissist makes sure people around them see you as the problem. They will lie in outrageous ways to set up a “campaign” against you.

I have been through it relatively recently…and the person behaved so much like a “text book narcissist” it was pretty shocking. Perhaps less damaging to me because I study in this area and was able to use my particular skills to resolve the mess they made. But it was only in retrospect some of their negative actions became clear. They made a lot of enemies. They didn’t have any friends. After leaving me, they first of all blamed me…then tried to contact me and blamed their mother for it…and later still blamed it on their “issues”. It’s a distinctive pattern. There wasn’t anyone they wouldn’t throw under the bus to claim to be a victim. That’s probably the most consistent and obvious red flag of a narcissist. If you see it, my advice would be to get out fast. Magick can help. It can help the situation and help you. But first of all you do need to admit to yourself what they are doing and that it’s not ok and you want it to stop.

Information on the Nataraj Working can be found at www.mayamagickal.net/nataraj.htm – and other workings can be used in combination with this or tailored to your situation. You can always email me through the site for advice on personalised packages/magickal intensives too.

With blessings
Maya x

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Don’t let anyone feel less than you are | Red flags of abuse | Be true to yourself ♡

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…but one day you’ll realise that you needed them like a hole in the head and you came away thinking you felt crap…but realising you still had integrity. And you will love again. They weren’t capable of it with someone who trusted them…they lost a lot when they lost you.

Never let anyone feel less than you are. Never. If they don’t make you feel fantastic and encourage you in your life and your work and pursuit of your hobbies…if you’re in a relationship where someone resents you for your success…please recognise this is a red flag. Not all narcissists are easy to spot. Covert narcissism fuels the ‘forever victim’ and ‘forever unlucky’ and weirdly negative in ways that seem nonsensical in otherwise apparently ‘normal’ people. Abuse of trust is still abuse.

Seriously friends. Live for love. Don’t settle for less. You’re not worth less. You’re worth the fairytale ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ALM (Maya)

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Don’t let anyone feel less than you are ♡

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…but one day you’ll realise that you needed them like a hole in the head and you came away thinking you felt crap…but realising you still had integrity. And you will love again. They weren’t capable of it with someone who trusted them…they lost a lot when they lost you.

Never let anyone feel less than what you are. Never. If they don’t make you feel fantastic and encourage you in your life and your work and pursuit of your hobbies…if you’re in a relationship where someone resents you for your success…please recognise this is a red flag. Not all narcissists are easy to spot. Covert narcissism fuels the ‘forever victim’ and ‘forever unlucky’ and weirdly negative in ways that seem nonsensical in otherwise apparently ‘normal’ people. Abuse of trust is still abuse.

Seriously friends. Live for love. Don’t settle for less. You’re not worth less. You’re worth the fairytale ♡

♡ ♡ ♡ ALM (Maya) www.mayastar.net