Another blog inspired by a customer enquiry regarding a situation where they are in an emotionally abusive relationship & are considering the magickal options available…
Taken as a direct quote from my response with names and some details removed for client confidentiality
“It isn’t likely a spell would stop his actions – even if they are immoral it’s even worse karmically to use magick on another person without their permission. It would mean you were intending the same type of subterfuge or deception and karmically would be bad on you and wouldn’t necessarily work.
The best option magickally would be a reversal spell or the banishing/blessing Intensive which is made up of a series of 6 spells and could be tailored to your situation. Focused on turning YOUR situation around rather than his. It may mean he realises what he is doing and comes back. It may mean you both come to an understanding and can somehow move forward either living with it for a time or living separately but re establishing your friendship.
The thing with magick is it isn’t safe to use to try to make anyone else to anything else. Love spells and healing spells without consent are the same magickally as curses. Just as his actions if looked at from that philosophy are no different to someone using black magick!
But the sooner deception stops – regardless of the outcome – the sooner things will be sorted out. Not necessarily to your design or his but to the way they are best at the present time. At the moment you are clearly distressed and a lot of this is your sense of powerlessness and the fact you kind of know the situation you are in but can’t see a way out that won’t negatively affect you.
Magick can do much to break the impasse but you will need to prepare as much as you can for your future not panning out as you intended. It already isn’t. And I can promise it will get better – but I am sure there will be times it won’t feel that way.
Maintaining your perspective will be hard but it will be easier because you’re focusing on creating change rather than focusing on past experiences in an attempt to understand the present. This in itself can be emotionally and mentally exhausting.
Acknowledging that now has become so bad that there must be change is not easy but is important. A stagnant “now” is taking you nowhere and leaving you ill; and persisting in that situation does more harm than good. Change can be scary but sometimes it’s a lot scarier to imagine a situation in which nothing changes.
I am sure you half think – I wish he would just come out and say it so we could talk and formally separate so I could deal with my pain and think of my future. Or that he would just leave for the same reason. That’s normal in situations like this and that’s why people often go to counselling during or after a break up. Being able to talk about it is so important to being able to heal because it is very much like grief. Not just for the person but for the life you expected. Your security. The things you believed were real that weren’t.
That might be another way to prepare in fact. Ask your GP is you can be referred to a counsellor – begin talking about your situation in the real world.
The Banishing and Blessing Intensive Spells are detailed at www.mayamagickal.net/magickalintensives.htm
Another option (which is a comprehensive reversal spell and can be worked to have healing effect) is the Killing Moon Karmic Reversal 30 Day Ritual Intensive which is currently available on the special offer page www.mayastar.net/special.htm
I believe taking some kind of conscious of practical action to support the spells is important. Whether you start keeping a journal or learn an energy healing method to become active in rebalancing your own energy (like Reiki), that’s a very good idea in manifesting the most positive changes and moving forward from hindering factors of the past.
I know it’s not easy and motivating yourself even to seek my help is probably hard…taking steps to help you personally may seem very hard. But it’s important that your conscious mind begins to remember that you are a person of value regardless of what others do or say or how they behave. Or your situation. These negative thoughts about yourself are part of the problem as it currently stands and reminding yourself you are not defined by other people and your course is not determined by them can mean you emerge from the situation a stronger person than before – with more confidence and higher self esteem.
Magick always works to restore harmony no matter how long its been missing. Harmony and wholeness are your natural state.
One of the most common problems people face after being involved in any context, with someone who is narcissistic (self centred…remember not everyone with selfish tendencies is classified narcissist but they may share some of the issues and create similar problems…resulting in similar fall out for those around them).
A narcissist is unconscious of the value and autonomy of people around them. In many ways their situation is like that of a child trapped in the “terrible twos” – complete with tantrums, deception and a childish belief that the world revolves around them.
Most grow out of this stage. It is the emergence of the Ego and in many ways the beginning of psychological autonomy. So it’s considered and is a natural growth phase. And beyond it the higher faculties are developed – empathy in particular and the ability to identify with others and to know humility.
In the narcissist something internal or external stunts this growth. Narcissistic brains tend to be highly intelligent and the process of maturation takes longer. It may be that certain stages are bypassed and emotional maturity is never achieved…it may be that being treated as an over achiever during their extended formative years means that those with narcissistic tendencies experience a longer period in which things can go wrong; that nature and nurture combine to inhibit the realisation of objective consciousness.
That’s just a theory. But as an autistic I have always found narcissists a curiosity and a proof that the theory about autistic people lacking empathy is not the case. I can only speak for myself in that and with my family members but early on I seemed to overly empathise. I never had tantrums. I never rebelled. And I think autistics with high functioning either develop so quickly through the ego phase or it’s so insignificant to our sense of reality (which is very abstract generally), we are the psychological opposite of narcissists in many ways.
I certainly feel narcissistic people seem to have a problem with me because their usual manipulations or attention seeking/self validating behaviours don’t exert the desired response from me.
Narcissistic personalities can be covert or overt and the abuse they perpetuate depends much on their type. Coverts can be very controlling and manipulative – mind games, martyr complexes and hyperchondria that means they can assume a victim role throughout life. Overts may be more obvious. Talking over you or verbally abusing you. They may even become physically abusive.
But the real damage is caused by the controlling behaviours however they are expressed. The genuine victim of a narcissist often questions their own sanity and wonders if they are the narcissist. And narcissists encourage that kind of blurring of the edges…where they end and you begin.
This kind of manipulation of reality that leaves you wondering just what you’re seeing and doubting yourself is called “gas lighting” and is a deliberate tactic in control and manipulation.
Of all abuses I think this gradual undermining of another’s sense of self and sense of reality has the most insidious side effects. It happens so gradually and is common to all narcissistic types and it casts the longest shadow in victims because of its very nature.
Addressing and removing yourself from s situation of physical or verbal abuse is easy to see. The damage done by the gas lighting really isn’t and it’s more prevalent because covert narcissists do the same thing.
Psychically this leaves the victim with the fear that they are the “bad one”; deficient in some way; unprofessional and to blame. A feeling that can take a very long time to move on from because of its nebulous nature.
Remember, the narcissist doesn’t ever stop to wonder if they are at fault. This is the chasm between the narcissist and others. Their sense of entitlement and lack of consciousness and self awareness. For them, it’s a given that the fault is someone else’s so if you are left doubting yourself, you are not the narcissist.
This kind of undermining of the victim creates problems though. Low self esteem. Anxiety. A tendency to over analyse or take on more responsibility in any given situation than is realistic. But worst I think is the sense of unreality. The victim buys into the narcissist’s view and sacrifices their own and regaining that centering isn’t easy.
On a psychic level this is the real damage of the psychic attack. There are implications on all levels and spiritually it can cause all kinds of ambivalence as the mind swings from idea to idea seeking a truth.
Many clients and students come to me to begin healing this sense of ungroundedness. And energy healing, meditation and certain rituals can certainly help. But it is as if you leave the relationship or connection with an addiction. An addiction to a person or a habit of allowing them to think for you. And that can feel disorientating or terrifying by turns for a long time. It takes time to heal and the first step is acknowledging you are not imagining it.
The psychological damage caused is what we would call a psychic attack and because you’re juggling the other attacks you may not notice it happening.
But despite the nightmare of it, if you choose the right tools to help you through, you can gain great insight into yourself and a unique perspective of the world and of life.
It creates an opportunity where you have to start again because you can’t go back to a point before happened. Starting from scratch with experience and wisdom means you have access to a greater potential happiness than you had in the past. It won’t be easy! But I can personally vouch for the fact that energy work, meditation and magick can make it easier!
Enjoying happiness, fulfillment & success in all areas of your life? No exceptions. Achieving your dreams? Manifesting your goals every time without comprise?
It’s a tall order and I am inspired anew so regularly that I think I may write this blog in a number of parts! It’s a huge subject and considering different elements of the overall philosophy can hugely benefit people in truly living a meaningful life. Staying inspired is a big part of ultimate success.
As a witch and energy healing teacher I am often asked about subjects that boil down to be being related to what I am going to blog about so I have considered and studied widely in this area.
I think it’s important to emphasise that to practice magick (real magick) and spellcrafting requires a commitment and dedication to the study and understanding of subjective, objective, internal and external factors involved in any situation. Without that preliminary work, you couldn’t go on create spells at all – let alone ones that work.
An analogy might be – you want to knit a jumper. You know you need wool, needles and a pattern. You get these. A jumper doesn’t manifest itself after you bought them. If you don’t know how to knit or read the pattern you weren’t at a stage of being ready to achieve that.
You are looking at the result as if the ingredients are magickal in and of themselves. When sometimes the most important thing is to enjoy the journey. Know there is work to do. And decide if you want it enough to put that in. If you don’t, you’re just deluding yourself about what you want.
Many people aspire to spiritual gifts but not everyone will be cut out for the one they think they want to choose. But if you are sure of your “destination”, the fact a jumper didn’t magickally create itself spurs you to learn! The idea of being able to make it inspires you. You don’t see any other way. Because it is what you really want. So you study to get yourself into a position where the yarn, needles and pattern are useful to you. This is not a hardship! It’s exciting. Fun. Part of the journey.
Many people gather the ingredients…see this jumper doesn’t make itself. Think in a defeatist way that they have failed. Or externalise it and think he system has failed. “It won’t work. I give up.”
Well, if you choose to see challenges as failures you are doomed to create that reality for yourself!
If you say you have failed and give up I am sure you will manage to fail. It’s what you chose! In this sense we literally create out reality. The emotional blow, the financial cost, the physical stress – all come from your unshakeable assertion that somehow you were a victim. You decide in that way that you can’t change your future too…and so the problem compounds itself.
If instead of this you look at the bigger picture…imagine yourself making or wearing the jumper…imagine yourself knitting as you watch TV in the evening and can see how these are things will make you feel good. They are what you want. Your choice changes your “destination”. Your attitude is liable to be very different! You see you have the ingredients! Excellent! Now you only need the knowhow and skill…you can get them! Fantastic. You take a class, join a club. You practice! You make some scarves and blankets and learn different stitches so you have experience and skill to go with your intention and goal.
It may take time. Maybe years. It will require dedication and practice to prepare for it, begin it and complete it. But if you choose that destination, you WILL undoubtedly realise it. One day you will be in a position to knit that jumper. You know it. You believe it. You don’t even consider failure as an option! You create your reality.
You may use other techniques to support your efforts. Visualisation. Affirmations about yourself to increase focus and self belief. Or magick to resolve your habit of negativity and self sabotage that’s been hindering you in the past.
But even through learning these new supportive techniques you will be acquiring tools and developing a state of mind that is resilient and increases your possibilities of success in all areas if your life.
It’s amazing what a difference to the realisation of your intentions such steps create.
In this Gatsby is a most compelling and inspirational character. He understands the work he needs to do to achieve his goal and sets about it immediately. He lets go of his past or any resistance caused by it in one moment. He becomes unshakeable in his destiny and devotes himself to creating a situation in which he can realise it.
This means he isn’t just Gatsby but truly the Great Gatsby at that point.
You may think the story is a cautionary tale of a narcissist who is so self centred he creates his own world in which he can be who he thinks he should be. Except his motivation for this is love. And all the external superficial storytelling and “self promotion” doesn’t corrupt him. He doesn’t change his personality or motivation. He isn’t swayed by the fact he can have what other people want because his focus remains always on fulfilling his destiny and achieving what he wants.
That’s what makes him Great.
A lesser person would lose that perspective at some stage. A lesser person would give up. A lesser person would become corrupted and allow the world to define them and thereby lose their integrity. This doesn’t happen to Gatsby!
You may think Gatsby is wrong when he believes he can turn back time if you take it as a literal assertion. I see it differently and believe his is absolutely right! If you consider he believes he can change what happens by choosing the course his life will take than if he hadn’t made that choice and given it his all he is asserting his destiny to fail was false and that he knew that he wouldn’t choose it. He would make the decision. He would never waver.
The film (The Great Gatsby) is so inspiring to me that I listen to soundtrack sometimes to remind me of the positive and (in my opinion) accurate belief that life is what you make it. And only you can choose what you make it.
I even picture Leonardo DiCaprio as Gatsby saying “of course you can” whenever his power to achieve his goals is questioned.
I highly recommend the film! And the book. But even if you’re not into that, I recommend the sentiment…
…define your life…and it will never define you. You cannot lose. You cannot be a victim. You cannot fail. Unless you choose to.