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Oops! While making a vid about Henna, I had a seizure! If you are curious what a TLE seizure may look like…please check it out! (I haven’t seen myself have one either – so it was interesting for me too!)

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Unusual mini vid tonight!

I have temporal lobe epilepsy (TLE).

I was referred for brain scans and tests and prescribed drugs after having a few grand mal/tonic clonic seizures. But found out I had many petit mal partial seizures.

They can affect me in different ways but don’t appear seizure like to anyone watching. I lose my ability to understand what I see. Or I lose my short term memory. Mostly. Or those are the ones I notice.

But due to a v negative effect to an SSRI prescribed during a career change ( which clashes with the autistically wired brain and made me insane! Almost literally), in 2009 I saw my neurologist and said I would like to go drug free because of the mid to long term side effects of drug treatment.

He agreed with me…and we had a long conversation about philosophy where he recommended I read 7 years in Tibet and I recommended he read the Bhagavhad Gita (seriously…there is something about aspers that’s refreshing to those who think spiritually or philosophically…I never expect to have a conversation about it but people feel they can talk on a level with me!).

Anyway. I’m tired tonight and worked a long day so I was busy telling my viewers about my henna mix (hair dye), when my TLE struck. It happens when I rush or when I relax. Light, noise and reading can aggravate it. So I take care to minimise risks. I take valerian root and wind down for a few hours before bed. Wear sunglasses in the bedroom etc.

But fluke of flukes,  just had one when I was recording. This is interesting to me. I notice my hand goes to my head like it hurts. It doesn’t hurt. It feels like white noise explosion in the brain. But I don’t fall, I don’t slur, I don’t forget what I am saying even though I go off at a tangent. Most importantly, if I hadn’t told the viewers I was having one, you wouldn’t have known.

Which is why until I had a big seizure, no one knew I had epilepsy!

Listening back to it, I do notice I pause between words increasingly before I have the seizure. And in this tired state, I move my head a lot as if focusing my eyes is uncomfortable. Which it is. And which is usually my cue for a Hepburn treatment (oversized sunglasses indoors).

I am going to post this for epilepsy awareness. Epilepsy doesn’t carry the stignma it once did. For some reason people with aspergers are more likely than average to have epilepsy. Also, sometimes people grow in and out of it.

My autism and epilepsy would be considered disabilities by some. I don’t feel that way about them. Some people have stinky feet and cake addictions…far more debilitating! Also allergies…much worse. So I don’t consider my autism or my epilepsy as disability. Some people have bad manners…surely, that’s worse!

So, I am posting this up with the seizure included for people who don’t know about epilepsy (or henna). Not all epilepsy is grand mal seizures with thrashing about and blue lips. And not all petit mal seizures are the same! I can talk when mine happen but usually can’t see!

I could write more…but I don’t want to write a medical journal article. I just thought maybe it would be informative. If I have never seen myself have a partial seizure before, I expect most people haven’t seen me have one. So it’s sort of interesting…but also may help you understand a bit more about epilepsy in general.

Plus…anything about natural beauty products like henna powder and coconut oil are interesting in a whole different way! So there’s something for everyone!

And also, now you know why I wear sunglasses in the house at night. I am of course, that cool! But they serve a function too!

A Magickal Info Blog | Is Lying Abuse? | Manipulation | Psychic Attack | Black Magick | Intention | Deception | “An it Harm None” | Ethics | Karma | Forgiveness | The Danger of Passivity

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Today’s bathtime blog is about lying…what are the magickal implications of deception? What are the Karmic implications of lying from a philosophical stand point and what is the Magickal standpoint!?

Many will simply summarise magick and the philosophy of “real magick” (the path to Self-Realisation) in a few terms that they fail to qualify with definition or explanation, rendering them essentially meaningless!

I am endeavouring to ensure my blogs don’t make assumptions about definitions so sometimes I will reitterate basic precepts before providing an analysis on the subject at hand. The analysis is a personal and subjective understanding…these are original articles; not copies!

An example of an unqualified meaninglesd statement is the often banded about definition of Magick: “Magick is the art of causing change to occur in accordance with Will.” Without a definition of Will, that doesn’t explain magick at all!

Also the often parrotted phrase “An it harm none, do what thou will” – is equally meaningless unless we define “harm” and “will”.

So this blog will begin with an over view of magick. The definition of terms. And then elaborate on the conclusions we can draw. I may include a personal anecdote as an example…I will see if I think that would assist in my “analysis” and make some concepts a bit more accessible by looking at a recent situation that inspired this pondering!

Previous articles about my magickal work (Maya Magickal Spells & Personalised Initiation Programmes) have briefly described the actual definition of Magick. But in my blog I like to cover some more specific details. I think that way it helps to illustrate things that enable a better understanding.

So let’s begin with an overview of what Magick is…

Sometimes Magick is called a mystery religion or cult. Or “The Black Arts”. The latter may sound ominous but using the words “dark” or “black” around Magick refers to the secrecy and hidden or symbolic meaning around it. Not to any tendency to darkness. But to remind us that Magick itself is an abstract process that we undertake in order to advance spiritually.

The rituals and magickal tools common to Western Tradition Magick…even the words we use when describing Magick or practising ritual, need to be understood as symbolic of the reality they represent. Otherwise Magick would be a combinations of play acting and wishful thinking!

Magick is the path to Self-Realisation for those moved (or “called”) to reconnect in a personal sense with that abstract divinity that exists within us; without us; and in all ways transcends us.

Magick doesn’t refer to a specific method of achieving this. The whole life of a person is part of their development. Every experience is an opportunity to apply those principles that are an expression of our highest, purest and most perfect Self. The Higher Self.

Living out that Philosophy of Magick means we are striving consciously to align our actions, thoughts and feelings with our Higher Self. The Higher Self is the Source of our Will: Our Truth.

This is a major commitment to a process rather than a practice because there is no part of your life that doesn’t have significance. The most mundane elements of life are as important as the most transcendental when we consider them from the objective stance of the Philosophy of Magick. So as a path, it isn’t appealing to everyone. It isn’t a shortcut. It really is a devotion to the process of “refinement” and marked by the discipline to make our choices based on our Higher Will in all aspects of life.

Even for the most commited, this isn’t an “easy” choice. It’s a series of choices and it does become easier but it often means we’re required the right thing to remain in alignment with our intentions.

We will experience the same challenges with family commitments, work, relationships, making ends meet and social situations that may seem more easily solved in the short term by ignoring our Higher Will. We may struggle with dependence on drugs or alcohol. We may over eat or partake in other self destructive behaviours. All many of things can pose obstacles. But obstacles can provide us with the opportunity to exceed ourselves and may be a vital part of our development. But everyone will struggle sometimes with these things from time to time and it’s natural that sometimes we will lose perspective and need to resolve that later.

These things may set us at odds with our Will. Our apparently immediate needs may sometimes eclipse our ability to retain alignment with our Truth.

We may sometimes take time to recognise the state of incongruity we are in. And we may find we are very eloquent when it comes to justifying our bad choices over those we know instinctively would be a closer match to those of the True Will.

So The Will as far as Magickal Philosphy is concerned, is the Truth of our Highest Intentions. It requires a lot of discipline, dedication and development of Self Awareness for us to approach the realisation of that Truth. Anything that we do that isn’t in alignment with that truth is born of lower needs or desires. The “wants” of ego based consciousness.

Magick doesn’t mean destroying the ego, but it does mean making our Higher Will second nature and reconciling our ego to this; accepting it with a different perspective so we keep a balance on all levels.

Retaining balance isn’t easy – most will develop/evolve spiritually and emotionally throughout their lives with swings back and forth between our Higher and Lower intentions. Magick means being active in the process of seeking that balance in order that we may progress spiritually.

So we have covered Magick…and the Will and how that fits into the Philosophy of Magick, lets have a look at the second statement…

“An it harm none, do what thou Will” already has some clarification with the definition of Will.

However, this is often soooo badly misinterpreted as the idea of the freedom to hedonistic indulgences by the less self-aware among us! Those with a very ego based consciousness find such a concept attractive. But doing our Will doesn’t mean the same as doing what we “want”.

That would be very primitive and ego based interpretation of “Will”. It would define our base urges and wants as being our primary motivation in life. So the aspiring Mage’s first lesson is to learn the difference!

Those seeking to learn Magick would do well to additionally study Yoga (especially Bhakti Yoga which is very similar philosophically to Magick); and Carl Jung’s work on psychoanalysis and the process of individuation.

Now…”harm”. How would we define it…magickally. Magickally speaking the intention to cause someone harm is obviously unacceptable. Such an intention would have a hindering effect on the subject’s evolution consciously. Keeping them bound to an Ego centred state.

Ego based consciousness is an emotionally immature state that reflects a spiritually immature state. So hindering your own development would not be congruent with the True Will. That’s the first very basic problem with lying. But by far it’s only the start of the problem.

A famous man once said “Judge not, lest ye be judged”. An idea that concisely summarises the problem of negative intentions projected outward: the subject is affected by their intention far more than the object of their intention. Lying is an intentional act.

Projecting negative intentions can have a restrictive effect on the other person too. Negative bonds can be created through this and over time may affect the object on an energetic level. That creates a Karmic debt between the negative intender and the victim of one. A situation that is potentially increasingly harmful if it persists. (Reversal spells are used to resolve and dissolve negative karmic bonds however they are created – for example The Nataraj Dance of Destruction Tantric Shamanic Ritual).

Ego centred mindsets such as those in Narcissistic Personality Disordered people can create a lot of them too. Sometimes deliberately and sometimes unconsciously. The problem being they don’t have a sense of needing to resolve the imbalance they create – so people around them may find themselves manipulated or deceived because the conscience of the perpetrator lacks the normal conscience that prevents most of us directing our bad intentions outward.

Magick is the path to Spiritual Maturity but it is reflected in our mental and emotional lives too so if someone seems badly adjusted emotionally, you can know that there is a spiritual and mental component to that imbalance.

So harm, in a magickal sense, is any action or choice made that has a negative impact on yourself or on another. A negative impact means anything that may inhibit the evolution of consciousness and self realisation for yourself or another.

Most black magick is carried out by amateurs in the form of healing spells or love spells which they believe are well intended. However, no one has the position of authority to decide what’s right for another person. If you have their permission that’s different. If you don’t, it’s black magick and is being used to manipulate another person to conform to your wishes as if you were the authority. So no matter how well intended it may be, Karmically you are doing a bad thing. Magickally your Ego is calling the shots and it’s liable to hurt you and others.

Everyone has the choice. And sometimes part of our soul development means we need to suffer in some ways. We may need to hit rock bottom from time to time to be able to realise our potential. And as much as it may be hard to see someone suffer, you never have the right to try to remove that without their consent. Nor should you. You wouldn’t inject an upset person to stop them crying. It would be wrong. Doing a similar thing using magick is the same karmically. Doing it by lying to them is the same. All are methods of manipulation and control that involve taking away someone’s opportunity to learn from a mistake or a painful situation. That might be the worst kind of harm you could do to them; deny them their potential.

It’s important for any aspiring magician, witch or mystic to learn to recognise these red flags in their own behaviour and to resolve them; not to passively assume they will sort themselves out. Passivity is also a choice. Standing by and doing nothing when you witness an injustice comes with a Karmic price. And choosing not to consciously deal with your own problems means your consciously accepting those problems.

Conscious neglect may be as harmful to the aspirant as it is to people around them. A habit of “opting out” can be a destructive habit. And choice to make no choice so there is a Karmic debt associated with it.

If you’re following this train of thought regarding the situation of lying…it’s a question that you have probably found an answer to a couple of paragraphs back!

Yes. Lying is manipulation and magickally synonymous with black magick as is any attempt by any other means to manipulate someone to conform to your wants (your Ego).

It requires a conscious decision to perpetuate such a crime against another; a decision defines you. You can’t be in alignment with your Truth if you’re able to lie to another person. It’s simply not possible.

We know the harm that lying does to the liar psychologically. They condemn themselves to exist in a world where everyone is a potential enemy and to an extent dehumanised. This means they can’t truly trust so cannot truly love. They are bound by their actions.

The evolution of consciousness requires honesty as basis. If we can’t be completely honest with ourselves, we’re kind of doomed to remain emotionally and spiritually stunted. Also over time such a bad habit can lead to paranoid thinking and delusion.

So before you try to justify lying by ommission or justify the use of “a white lie” to save someone’s feelings, consider the true implications of deception…

Drug addicts can justify self destructive behaviours till the cows come home. Then they can justify their self destructive behaviours to the cows. But did justification in the mind of any junkie or alcoholic of their own bad habits ever save them from an overdose or liver damage? Of course not.

Justifying your reason for lying is similarly pointless. Potentially dangerous because your trying to delude yourself. Essentially trying to brainwash yourself to make the unacceptable, acceptable to you.

I will use the personal anecdote to illustrate this…

Recently an ex got in touch with me. He claimed he wanted forgiveness for essentially scamming me two years ago. His crime was deception. But how this escalated and the conclusion of the story sort of illustrates how damaging it was ultimately to him and everyone around him.

His lies to me began as claims he was doing work for me. Learning software to convert my website. I paid him monthly for this. He was my fiance and I didn’t think a 40 year old man needed to be chased up. I didn’t consider he might just be nothing at all. I found that out later though that he had been accepting the money and not doing any of the work at all.

I am a busy person and I enjoy my work and my hobbies so I didn’t have the time nor the resources to babysit someone who didn’t have any initiative or principles by constantly being “on them”. Also, as a 40 year old man I expected him to have some ethics! A fair enough assumption but ultimately incorrect! So his first lies were by ommission and half truths.

When he left it was undoubtedly because he knew I would find him out.

But in order to leave he had to come up with lies for his family as to why he was “running away”. It was a mystery to me what he could have come up with that would even be believable. His family know I work for myself. I have my own home. I work hard and I enjoy my work. They know I am a bit of a hippie and a bit of a bohemian. But also that I am disciplined when it comes to my work and my life – I keep fit, I dance, I play music and study. And most of all, that information isn’t a secret. Because my work is primarily web based (Mayastar Academy Online Natural Healing & Spiritual Development Courses and Maya Magickal Spells & Personalised Initiation Programmes ) and has been since 2004, I have a significant online presence. I keep this blog of course…but also I use social media as part of my work and in my hobbies. So anyone typing “annalouisemay” into Google would quite quickly find out what I’m doing half the time!

So I guessed he lied to his elderly parents hoping they wouldn’t be computer literate enough to find out the truth.

Anyway. That was two years ago and I have a life…so I moved on. His email wasn’t expected and I was honest with him saying, you can email me and I will read it but I don’t know that I will be able to forgive you because I have moved on and I don’t think I care enough to be moved one way or the other by anything you have to say.

And he emailed me his “explanation” for his 14 month “long con”. He had a lot of excuses…nothing that would in any way justify his behaviour. And it came off as a list of excuses. Not an apology at all but rather an attempt to vindicate himself…to assuage the problematic “holes” in his story for his own benefit. It definitely didn’t indicate any sense of personal responsibility or genuine contrition.

It wasn’t even the truth in fact. He claimed he had lied to his parents about his life being at risk because of me a Witch. He didn’t elaborate on how that was put to his parents though. Did he claim I threatened him? That I was a satanist? That I was going to turn him into a toad? (Which in retrospect might have been considered “trading up” as I have never met a manipulative toad!). So even his “confession” had so many omissions as to render it unbelievable.

That illustrates very clearly the problem with lying. He was very paranoid for the last few months he was here. To the point I contacted his family to find out if he had a history of mental illness or something.

They indicated he didn’t. Looking back I expect the longer he strung me along the more worried he would have become that I would find out so his behaviour changed very gradually. And then hit the fan because we were due to visit his family that spring and he knew at that point he would be exposed.

Another point to mention is that whatever reason you consider lying to another person for, it’s always setting you up as responsible for the outcome and dehumanising your peers. A very lonely position to end up in. But an inevitable one when manipulation of another person or people in general, is legitised by the liar.

My example is sort of anecdotal – but the pattern of how “what goes around comes around” and how the deception may have begun as him lying to himself. Then lying by ommission to me. Then lying outright to me. But ended up with him lying to his whole family…and now being trapped by his own lies into living a lie. Two years on still seeking vindication from me to patch up his unstable mindset.

He does claim he lied for all kinds of reasons including undiagnosed mental illnesses. Unfortunately, once someone’s begun to lie like that, their reasoning doesn’t sound plausible.

So my advice would be, don’t lie! There isn’t such thing as a white lie. These things always come back around. Any form of deception is a form of manipulation and is by definition, harmful.

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Anna Louise May | Random Updates | Heels | Lighting | Teddy Boys | Silliness | Unicorn | Nights at the Opera | Motown | Spells & Work

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Random updates…

Spent my evening sorting out stuff so my #dancestudio can convert to a (rudimentary) bedroom so when my brother visits he doesn’t have to clock watch. And sorting out the rest of the new #ledbulbs – for #energysaving & #moodlight effects that don’t mess w/ my #epilepsy.

It was a bit too late for paperwork by then…so I sent this pic to my #TeddyBoy to ask if he wanted a bath 🙂 It was my fave of the silly pix I sent as it not only includes my most spectacular #sparkly #swarovski #stilettos (my black velvet #gothic #princess #heels) but Lux the #Unicorn & #psychadelic lighting conspired to show my #delicate #ankles & my strong #ballet trained feet feet off perfectly. It’s all just soooo me.

So, me & spider had a bath…ate cold #pizza, watched #GhostHunters & spent a “night at the opera”, listening to #motown.

Perfect.

Tonight I will really have to #henna my roots, tint my eyebrows & eyelashes (I look so unkempt to myself!) & do my admin work for Mayastar Academy. Two #spells for #MayaMagickal – one reversal (as a preliminary working for a #prosperity working) and one #ArchangelMichael #ProtectionSpell.

Today’s fave 3 things…#pets, #chanel no19 and my #bellicon #rebounder!

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Anna Louise May (Maya) | Mystic Muse & Artist

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LED Bulbs | Money Saving | Epilepsy | TLE | Eco-Friendly | Moodlights

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This month, I have been converting my whole house to LED lighting. It’s like a revelation! I can’t recommend them highly enough.

The old energy saving bulbs affected my epilepsy but they have been criticised for emitting a grey light that causes headaches and possibly even mood problems. So LEDs…could be a really good solution for a lot of people.

All my rooms are lit from corner lamps. And because of my photosensitivity, I used halogen bulbs as an alternative.  The thing is, I am nocturnal and I have a lot of lighting! I didn’t ever stop and work out the costs though. Until now!

LEDs use v little electricity and give out a full spectrum white light that doesn’t mess with my epilepsy. These miraculous lights use so little electricity, they don’t get hot. You can touch them and they are barely warm. It’s almost bizarre.

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To illustrate how much less they cost…a 16w LED bulb gives out equivalent light of a 100w bulb. My halogen bulbs for equivalent of 100w were about 70w.

The initial outlay was high due to the number of lights I have. But also because I’ve fallen in love with remote control colour changing bulbs! So every room now can change colour at the push of a button – literally. And every room can be lit  with white light too. No compromise.  Total versatility. Nothing bad I can say about them apart from at the moment they are still expensive to buy…so if you have a lot of lights or want a lot of lighting options, total conversion can be a bit expensive. 

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However, the initial cost really must be looked at as an investment. I’m a total nerd so I bothered to do the maths – to see how much my lighting costs in actual electricity use and excluding the cost of replacement bulbs was. And I could only be approximate but it was at least £500 a year. Might actually closer to £600 because being nocturnal does mean my costs are probably way higher than most. Probably closer to £700 if you consider the replacement bulbs over the year. Possibly more. I really have never kept track of it. Like if someone asked you much you spend on rolls in a year…most people would have no idea. It is necessity so we don’t think about it. I have no idea much I spend on loo rolls or light bulbs.

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But in terms of electricity use, the new bulbs will cut the electricity for just lighting by two thirds. That’s a massive amount…saving £50 or £60 every month! It really adds up.

So…feeling the warm glow (no pun intended) of cool lighting (no pun intended), I bothered to check that my household accounts in detail.

It was enlightening (no pun intended!). In overpaid direct debits and overpayment of tax I got a big windfall (about £4000) and reduced my monthly bills by £180.

I have run my own household for over 20 years and was really surprised it could mount up like that. I do the accounts for my business. It’s nothing new. So how could I end up owed so much and with outgoing that could be reduced by a third with a couple of phone calls?

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The last time I even worked out my household accounts were when my brother lived here and paid half of them. But of course a lot of bills are higher if there are other people in the house…more hot water, more lighting, more heating and the council tax is higher.

My (no-good, freeloading) ex didn’t work when he lived here but he was a massive expense while he did – over doubled my food bill for a start! So my cost of living did drop pretty quickly! (The emotional and practical side of living with someone who (claims) he is mentally ill (I say “claims” because he also claimed his parents manipulated him into moving back with them…and claimed he was having emergency psychiatric help…his family denied it so I think he was just a freeloader but on a number of levels in retrospect).

Anyway, the gist is…it was a long time since I sat down and did my household accounts in detail and last time I did, my living costs were inflated because I was paying for his living costs too.

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I think the reason outgoings can slip by unnoticed is partly complacency – and partly because banking has changed a lot since I first bought my home. In the old days of paper statements, I would naturally pay more attention to my bank account because at the end of every month I would be writing cheques for bills. But now I bank online and all those bills are on direct debit so I don’t have a reason to scrutinise my accounts.

So not only do I want to recommend LED bulbs…but for those who don’t scrutinise their bank account, if you want to save money, have a proper look. Go through your direct debits and standing orders. And you might find similar to me!

First step in organising your finances should be checking your accounts…but if I am a total geek about these things and my complacency was costing me hundreds of pounds a year, I am sure I’m not the only one!

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