One of the most common problems people face after being involved in any context, with someone who is narcissistic (self centred…remember not everyone with selfish tendencies is classified narcissist but they may share some of the issues and create similar problems…resulting in similar fall out for those around them).
A narcissist is unconscious of the value and autonomy of people around them. In many ways their situation is like that of a child trapped in the “terrible twos” – complete with tantrums, deception and a childish belief that the world revolves around them.
Most grow out of this stage. It is the emergence of the Ego and in many ways the beginning of psychological autonomy. So it’s considered and is a natural growth phase. And beyond it the higher faculties are developed – empathy in particular and the ability to identify with others and to know humility.
In the narcissist something internal or external stunts this growth. Narcissistic brains tend to be highly intelligent and the process of maturation takes longer. It may be that certain stages are bypassed and emotional maturity is never achieved…it may be that being treated as an over achiever during their extended formative years means that those with narcissistic tendencies experience a longer period in which things can go wrong; that nature and nurture combine to inhibit the realisation of objective consciousness.
That’s just a theory. But as an autistic I have always found narcissists a curiosity and a proof that the theory about autistic people lacking empathy is not the case. I can only speak for myself in that and with my family members but early on I seemed to overly empathise. I never had tantrums. I never rebelled. And I think autistics with high functioning either develop so quickly through the ego phase or it’s so insignificant to our sense of reality (which is very abstract generally), we are the psychological opposite of narcissists in many ways.
I certainly feel narcissistic people seem to have a problem with me because their usual manipulations or attention seeking/self validating behaviours don’t exert the desired response from me.
Narcissistic personalities can be covert or overt and the abuse they perpetuate depends much on their type. Coverts can be very controlling and manipulative – mind games, martyr complexes and hyperchondria that means they can assume a victim role throughout life. Overts may be more obvious. Talking over you or verbally abusing you. They may even become physically abusive.
But the real damage is caused by the controlling behaviours however they are expressed. The genuine victim of a narcissist often questions their own sanity and wonders if they are the narcissist. And narcissists encourage that kind of blurring of the edges…where they end and you begin.
This kind of manipulation of reality that leaves you wondering just what you’re seeing and doubting yourself is called “gas lighting” and is a deliberate tactic in control and manipulation.
Of all abuses I think this gradual undermining of another’s sense of self and sense of reality has the most insidious side effects. It happens so gradually and is common to all narcissistic types and it casts the longest shadow in victims because of its very nature.
Addressing and removing yourself from s situation of physical or verbal abuse is easy to see. The damage done by the gas lighting really isn’t and it’s more prevalent because covert narcissists do the same thing.
Psychically this leaves the victim with the fear that they are the “bad one”; deficient in some way; unprofessional and to blame. A feeling that can take a very long time to move on from because of its nebulous nature.
Remember, the narcissist doesn’t ever stop to wonder if they are at fault. This is the chasm between the narcissist and others. Their sense of entitlement and lack of consciousness and self awareness. For them, it’s a given that the fault is someone else’s so if you are left doubting yourself, you are not the narcissist.
This kind of undermining of the victim creates problems though. Low self esteem. Anxiety. A tendency to over analyse or take on more responsibility in any given situation than is realistic. But worst I think is the sense of unreality. The victim buys into the narcissist’s view and sacrifices their own and regaining that centering isn’t easy.
On a psychic level this is the real damage of the psychic attack. There are implications on all levels and spiritually it can cause all kinds of ambivalence as the mind swings from idea to idea seeking a truth.
Many clients and students come to me to begin healing this sense of ungroundedness. And energy healing, meditation and certain rituals can certainly help. But it is as if you leave the relationship or connection with an addiction. An addiction to a person or a habit of allowing them to think for you. And that can feel disorientating or terrifying by turns for a long time. It takes time to heal and the first step is acknowledging you are not imagining it.
The psychological damage caused is what we would call a psychic attack and because you’re juggling the other attacks you may not notice it happening.
But despite the nightmare of it, if you choose the right tools to help you through, you can gain great insight into yourself and a unique perspective of the world and of life.
It creates an opportunity where you have to start again because you can’t go back to a point before happened. Starting from scratch with experience and wisdom means you have access to a greater potential happiness than you had in the past. It won’t be easy! But I can personally vouch for the fact that energy work, meditation and magick can make it easier!
Grishko Novas with bloche elasticated ribbons (the cord not tied off & hidden meaning these were new – I only tied the cord once I had softened them after a few hours of dancing in them). #Grishkos are often considered a professional shoe because the shank (the bit that supports your foot in the sole) is v v flexible and is more like a 3 quarter shank than a full one so it wouldn’t be good if you had weak feet.
But I had been dancing ballet for years and before that I was a “toe walker”. It’s not uncommon in people with high functioning autism – it’s a stage of physical development we sometimes bypass because we’re developing bigger brains! So all my life I walked on the balls of my feet kind of rolling my foot in from the side – my heel never touching the floor. It looked like a normal walk to anyone else. Some people said in a hurry I tended to march rather than run. And I seemed prone to breaking into a skip instead of a run actually!
I was really frustrated because my Novas would look fine until I broke them in. Then they looked twisted as if I was sickling and I couldn’t work out why. They felt good and my technique improved and my feet got stronger and stronger but this only seemed to make the shoe twist more. I tried all kinds of ways of using my ribbons to hold the shoe to my foot and checked I got over the box (it doesn’t look like it in this pic but I am bending over to take the photo and the box of the front shoe has raised a bit).
In the end I took a private class with an examiner and explained to her the problems…my hamstrings were v tight from years of toe walking so I focused a lot of my barre on stretching them etc. As soon as I took off my soft shoes to put my pointes and extended my foot she identified the problem – I have #hypermobility in the joints in my foot. Another physiological #aspergers characteristic. In fact I have hypermobility in most of my joints.
So the solution? Very simple – lightly bandage the “knuckles” area of my toe joints before I put my shoes on.
It extended the life of my shoes by at least 3 times!
Note – part of the problem is that I have long toes, 2nd toe longer than the big toe, very low profile and very narrow heel. No other shoes except Grishko’s would fit my heel (and because the cord stretched a little I needed to let it stretch a bit before tying it off or they would slip off my heel). And seriously, I tried every brand and had fittings all over London before finding Grishko shoes…first the 2007s and then at Grishko’s recommendation, the Nova which has a wider platform and worked better for the bandages and gel spacers I used to keep from breaking my second toe! Because the ones in the pic are new you can see my foot was sitting very high in the shoe! That would resolve within 15 or 20 mins dancing – I wasn’t a fan of crushing the box to speed it up because sometimes I only got 6 hours dance time out of them!
This problem wasn’t picked up by my dance teacher…nor any fitters…so if you are having problems getting fitted, try seeing an ex dancer or examiner because I am not the only one out there with this problem. Also bandaging protects my joints from abrasions! But take care not to bandage too tightly at first because you won’t get over the box!
We tend to think of healing as a single level but relaxation, the reduction of stress, assistance in sleep and pain management can be helpful in those to are about to make the transition.
It also provides a powerful way to connect – and creates a relaxed environment in which to talk about things the dying person might feel unable to with others or in more clinical settings. That’s not to say it won’t be challenging! But it can be an opportunity to share love as a family that is unique to our regular experiences.
My dad died of cancer last year. An inoperable brain tumour; and being able to provide him with the benefits of Reiki and my counselling/psychoanalysis experience…and natural forms of treatment, was intensely beneficial for us both. Being able to offer support and guidance in a situation that seems otherwise may seem bleak is an opportunity to reclaim the sacred aspects of this unique time. An opportunity beneficial (potentially) to all involved.
Natural Healing techniques can help relieve symptoms; we may benefit from healing on a spiritual and emotional level. Knowing you’re terminally ill can make people depressed – it’s rather a monumental time and rather monumental news. And it’s not unusual to experience shock and the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining), when we hear the word “terminal”. But the shock part passes and we have to find a way to live with death. Something our life experience rarely prepares us for; it can make people feel unable to discuss the nitty gritty too – how death happens biologically. What to expect. What is a death rattle? Why do people who are dying usually go into a coma?
We can find these things out. And understanding the physical process can be reassuring. But creating an environment in which people feel they can connect and share in what is a very intimate experience…that’s the part no one teaches us! And I believe Reiki and sharing energy healing can be an excellent starting point for opening up and sharing our experiences and ideas together.
Death is a natural part of our lives – but we do tend to think of it as something that happens in a clinical setting with drips and medical staff…and ends with an anonymous phone call from a random doctor at 3am. We’ve stopped seeing it as being part of the cycle of life – and started to see aging and mortality as negative and to be avoided at all costs!
We are very distanced from our mortality in the modern world and this is emphasised in many ways by modern medicine…and probably also the fact many of us aren’t religious these days; also there is a way that even in some religions death is considered an inappropriate topic for discussion – or it’s discussed only in coded terms. The afterlife being focused on rather than death itself and the biological process of death.
Something important is lost in this I feel. Think back 100 or 150 years, people were used to seeing death first hand from an early age. Their family members usually died at home and often with the same treatments as end of life care provided now…counsellors instead of priests – but with morphine to control symptoms of the final days and hours.
If we saw this in our homes from a young age, we would undoubtedly understand death in a very different way. And while we consider such close encounters with the dying potentially depressing (tragic, unbelievable, despair inspiring) when they happen in the real world today, they don’t have to be. This modern perspective is rather new and our past understanding of the process can teach us a lot.
Death can be seen as part of a natural transition. The physical death of the body here marking its rebirth into the next world. A sacred experience when we see it from this perspective and allow ourselves to overcome our fears and resistance and to see…it may be messy or strange to us…so is the birth of babies! But we don’t have a problem seeing that as sacred. Death comes to all and yet we can go through most of our lives trying to remain “uninvolved”. I feel this is not only to our detriment but also to the detriment of those who are dying. And one day, that will apply to each of us.
Don’t be depressed…you will die one day; you will live on many others!
My dad received home hospice care during his transition and it opened my eyes in many ways to the very personal experience the dying person has. And how modern attitudes can be isolating and prevent a natural transition being experienced in a natural way by everyone involved.
There are some great books (especially those by Felicity Warner) about Soul Midwifery. And the Pagan Book of Living and Dying by Starhawk that offer some practical and philosophical ideas that can draw people together if things are experienced openly and this final journey considered something we take together and acknowledge for the sacred time it is.
I’m all for using Reiki as a complimentary therapy to assist in achieving a good/peaceful passing.
As I said, not all healing takes place on a physical level. The mental, spiritual and emotional benefits can be incredibly powerful for anyone involved – the person who is dying, the family and friends – Energy Healing can provide a way to share in the journey that can be powerfully healing for everyone.
XX ALM (Mayastar)
I was recently asked this on my FB group page. Answering without sounding so kookie people following the page who hadn’t heard the term might think definition meant answering it quite carefully! Some new age ideas are very old ideas but with new “jargon” or extensions of existing beliefs and ideas not new to all religions but somehow “reframed” out of context so they do come over sounding a bit far fetched!
It’s a criticism I have for the “New Age” in general. Lots of ideas without much basis and without any subjective or objective reasoning behind them…let alone citing sources that have existed for thousands of years that say the same thing in different words. I am also guilty of not citing sources. I have a really good memory (part of my aspergers – high functioning autism). But I draw a blank remembering faces. And apparently names too. When I am reading fiction I notice I almost blank names as I read them! So even if I remember the book…the cover…where I was when I read it etc, I won’t have retained the author’s name. My mind seems to consider names very unimportant which is why most people in my life have nicknames I’ve given them. It’s my weird “name blindness”.
Anyway…back to the topic…in answering the question referring to similar or associated ideas the person was likely to know instead of me rambling on with a lot of new age jargon, I feel I explained the concept well.
As a teacher of energy healing, attunement based spiritual development courses and meditation based courses, I am very aware of ensuring my writing is accessible to people who have no previous experience.
Also, I am not running a cult teaching new words for ideas that promote exclusivity…or fudge the details so people don’t realise they are not being told anything. Those are pet hates of mine.
Also, as a teacher I don’t want to alienate people who hold religious beliefs that may be different to mine. I don’t teach religion and I don’t like it when people dress ideas and philosophies as being facts. We can be as objective in our explanations as possible – but even the best articulated philosophical deductions are open to debate. (I do feel my Autism helps me to communicate higher concepts in a more accessible way because I have to do it so much as my normal life experience. It definitely helps rather than hinders my work!).
I promote freedom and empowerment so I won’t dogmatically preach theories as facts. I know some new age writers do this…but I think real understanding is only available when you digest information for yourself.
I may be hypersensitive to it…aware sometimes that a blog is addressed to people with a prior knowledge…I always try to pitch my writing so it’s useful to people without prior knowledge; defining terms sometimes makes all the difference!
Anyway…enough about my motivations for the way I addressed the question! In my own words, the answer goes something like this…
Some people believe in reincarnation. Some believe some of us had previous lives on other planets or stars perhaps in a different dimension not a physical body, but a life or origin that’s not of this earth and possibly not of this plane (dimension).
People who feel that often refer to themselves as “starseeds”.
For me personally, I think it’s very possible other worlds and types of existance are viable in addition to being a humans on earth with some kind of soul that exists beyond our biological reality.
I also do agree with the concept because as I child I recall feeling “homesick”. My Aspergers may have been part of that; some people also believe some “advanced” spiritual beings choose to reincarnate to help others achieve spiritual wholeness and that High Functioning Autism or some types of epilepsy are a part of that.
That’s not a new idea but the term “starseeded” is a new age term for it. They may also use terms like “earth angels”, “indigos” and “crystal children” etc…depending on the current trend in ideas or new ideas about old ideas!
I do feel I lived somewhere else before I came here as a human. And that it wasn’t like this. And I miss it. I think of it as being “homesick for heaven”. But I don’t claim to understand what it was or where it was. I do feel the work I do now in this life was chosen before I came here. And I feel it will continue when I leave (die). But I don’t have proof of that. It’s just something I feel so strongly it feels more real than real to me. And I have since met other people who also remember the “before life”.
Some people would suggest my feelings are born of delusion…failing to grasp that the Asper brain is not prone to delusion or irrationality; they are experiences more common to people whose beliefs are a reaction to their emotions. Rather than someone whose mind is hyper-rational. Our problems in being understood usually come from our capacity to naturally experience and express our experiences in a far more abstract way than our lower-functioning peers.
This capacity for abstract understand is why many High Functioning Autistics display unusually advanced language skills, may be drawn to mathematics and tend to show greater creativity. Not all share the same special skills or special interests. But I have no doubt that the work I do teaching energy healing and my magickal ‘career’ are advanced by my Aspergers in ways people of a neurotypical function wouldn’t experience. I wouldn’t trade my High Functioning brain for one that didn’t see music, feel colours or understand how to reweave karma (spells) the way I do. My work through www.mayastar.netand www.mayamagickal.net absolutely relies on my mind being as it is!
The long and short of it is some people believe people who are born with Higher Functioning Autism or Epilepsy (I have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy) were “god touched” thousands of years ago. That’s the phrase they would have used here centuries ago. And only relatively recently have the insights, perspectives and non-confirmity of people like me been negatively interpreted as a deficiency or fault.
This is beginning to change. With High Functioning Autistics being head hunted for their unique abilities especially in identifying problems quickly or irregularities in (for example) programming scripts that a Neurotypical wouldn’t be able to do so accurately or quickly.
And of course, the New Age has seen a revival in old spiritual and philosophical understandings that our uniqueness is a gift: an extra abilty not a disability!
If you would like to know more, I recently posted a new Whispering Witch Heart to Heart on this topic at: https://youtu.be/Azev7P4aIYM
The cover that proves…yes…#highfunctioningautism doesn’t mean you don’t have emotions!
Song begins at about 6 mins 30…intro poss not a good idea b/c I start crying b4 I finish it! But the 2nd take which runs straight afterwards, was ok.
Not sure about the recording…sang in my natural voicd but sound a bit off key in places and on my bluetooth speaker the backing track sounds too loud for my voice! But it is just me with a speaker playing the backing track and singing at the camera with no edit.
Song is #thebestday by #taylorswift on #asmr #whisperingwitch channel (info on that is in the info in the dropdown below the video)…& I go on to explain why I was moved to tears first time round!
Dedicated to my dad ♡ who died in September. Photo is of me with dad…who wanted me to promo cancer awareness and using #energyhealing (which I teach online through http://www.mayastar.net) and #reiki to assist transition and symptoms even in terminal cases or while someone is in the “active phase of dying).
It can he used to help relax, reduce symptoms in some cases and help smooth the emotional journey…for the patient and those around them if they are receptive. It also helps loved ones to feel they are able to do something to help and that can be important later to reflect on.
At the time this photo was taken dad had only a few months to live. As you can see…he didn’t look like he was dying. Didn’t actually look like he was 67 either! But at this stage he was on #chemo. He had a numb area on his face and gradually that spread. His death came quicker than expected (the younger you are the faster cells replace and the faster some types of tumour can grow).
I’m just uploading my latest Whispering Witch video to my youtube channel. It’s about applications for the Goddess Aradia Spell which is on the current special offer…but I had to end it with a massive THANK YOU to those people who are watching my videos, liking them, giving me feed back and subscribing to the channel at www.youtube.annalouisemay.net
I was really nervous about using this medium because I have Aspergers (a type of higher functioning autism) and sometimes it means, I don’t want to talk. I couldn’t see a way I would be able to make a channel I could use consistently in a way that would be useful. Before my dad died last year, it was something I told him I really needed to do as my business is online and as other networks are become less useful, youtube has gone from strength to strength. I wondered if maybe I might even be able to just use it post up some of my music…but couldn’t see a way of using it that would be particularly useful for my work given my limitations.
Well…the ASMR trend was the answer. And although the channel’s only been running a month, or 3 weeks, it has 45 subscribers. I don’t pay to advertise it or anything – I so share it on my other networks – but to put that in context, my WordPress Blog which I spend a lot more time on, has 30 followers. It does get more views but people don’t tend to subscribe.
Some of the videos I’ve posted have had a much higher number of views than I would have expected. And when I happened upon the ‘analytics’ page on youtube recently I was stunned to find almost 6000 minutes of view time has been racked up in the short time the channel’s been running.
I’ve had good feed back and I’m surprised that I’ve found a niche I can cater to; my style of vlogging is not typical but it’s gone down well – much better than I hoped.
So I post every night. And I will continue to. And thank you sooooo much to those who are already watching my channel…thank you to those who have shared it with other people…thank you for the feedback and thank you for staying tuned. I’m really, really pleased and surprised.
I would be most grateful to anyone who would share this with their friends…anyone who might be interested in my work. I will quote from the ‘blurb’ that comes up in the info area of my blogs and tells you a bit about it…
“Nocturnal Heart to Heart style vlog in ASMR soft speaking format from ALM, the Whispering Witch.
A bit about me, my vlog & the format I use…
I have Aspergers (a type of high functioning autism) means I’m more comfortable using ASMR “whispered conversation”. The mutual increased focus this initiates allows a more intimate communication & natural connection.
My intention is to use whispered conversation to provide a unique & informal style that will be relaxing to watch, pleasant to hear & with subjects accessible to viewers.
PLEASE wear headphones! (straining to hear a computer speaker isn’t relaxing!)
I plan to upload various vids; some may be general or personal updates; others may be more informative, based around my spiritual & magickal work; general chats & reviews. Also, ‘streams of consciousness’…with no fixed ‘subject’.
Please be aware, I have photosensitive epilepsy and when it gets late and I’m winding down, sometimes this affects me so I tend to wear sunglasses indoors – it’s not an attempt to look extremely cool! That’s just a side effect! I’m aware this looks kind of weird to some people but it means I don’t need meds to control seizures so I use what works for me and doesn’t have side effects.
NOTE: Although Whispering is used in ASMR, I use this technique because it is more comfortable for my autism & is a natural part of my night when I’m winding down for bed. More info on my intro vid – https://youtu.be/dNPMSkX5q9I”
If this sounds at all compelling, please tune in and please share the love! XXX
ALM (Mayastar) aka The Whispering Witch