I’ve blogged abt my aspergers…vlogged about my aspergers. And being able to use my High Functioning to do my work and do it in ways that a Neurotypical couldn’t, is a fulfilling experience. Living within my means when it comes to social connection, sensory stimulation (have to be more careful because those thing can trigger seizures – perhaps more now than when I was younger), and managing the additional anxiety (aspies make less oxytocin than neurotypicals – that means we don’t have the same way out of stress – most of us develop strategies for that through experience though so that’s something that’s become much easier with time for me).
But sometimes…one of the most depressing things to hear, is someone saying my brain wiring is a syndrome…is your eye colour a syndrome? Would you feel weird if people said you had been born with curly hair syndrome?
I’m sure you would. I feel the same when people see my autism as separate to me. Or they disregard or judge certain aspects while celebrating others. As if certain parts of me are not really connected. I don’t feel that way in myself…I think perhaps it reflects a limitation of the neurotypical mind that it can’t conceive mine as integrated!
People who know me know the challenges I have worked with – my total recall memory for example…great for learning but a nightmare if something bad happens and you remember it.
For me…the best thing that ever happened to me was my formal diagnosis – it meant I could research it and many more things made sense. Also, when you understand the physiological root of some tendencies it’s far easier to look for useful changes in behaviour or habit that will make life easier.
My routine is vital to my well being for reasons different to those a NT would cite. But if it means I eat healthy, exercise, don’t drink or smoke, meditate regularly etc. These are habits that would probably benefit a lot of people!
My habit of being nocturnal also helps a great deal but it works well for me. Magick (the actual process of Self Realisation – not the card game and not conjuring!), was my special interest from an early age and now that’s a huge advantage in my work (teaching online courses for energy healing, spiritual development & meditation – and doing ritual work to help people).
If it wasn’t for the extraordinary advantages that come as part of my autism, I wouldn’t have the extraordinary life I have now.
So I absolutely in no way shape or form would trade myself as I am for a more “ordinary” version ♡