Watch “20 Signs You Are With A “Covert” Narcissist” on YouTube

Excellent vlog – Highly recommend! Xx

My ex exhibited some odd behaviours. I have studied to some extent and had concluded (to myself but also had discussed it with him) that he may have borderline personality disorder or some kind of narcissistic personality disorder.

It showed more if he went through periods of self medicating or using substances (‘socially’), his reaction to almost any stimulation was anger. He often described it himself as resentment. But more often tried to justify it as stubbornness. In actual fact, once he moved in with me, these episodes seemed childish. He sought constant external validation voraciously. And the anxiety would build when he didn’t receive it. (Unfortunately as an #Aspergirl this kind of ego pandering didn’t ever feature! )

This would manifest as sulking rather than outward aggression. I am #aspergers (high functioning #autism) and very interested in human #psychology because mine is atypical. I do have #empathy. But I experience it in an intellectualised way. Bullying me would be hard because external validation or judgement tends to be off my radar!

At times I wondered if his issue was an #autistic spectrum disorder. I encouraged him to seek advice of a professional because we can learn to navigate our minds when we understand them and seeking a doctor’s advice doesn’t mean saying ‘something is up with my brain. i) I need the brain fixing pills!’

I don’t know if he got help. He had explosions of rage (not targeted at others and seemingly irrational…but years apart. It was easy to assume #drugabuse triggered them…till I lived with him!).

There was no physical #violence; more like a grown man having a #tantrum – like an #anxietyattack that didn’t have a cause he could identify but really created a problem. Blaming this and that and him and her and everything else. #Paranoid thinking. And occasionally what I would define as immature and covert attempts to bully or control. I was too oblivious to it to have realised how serious it was until later.

He admitted to lying and deception (of myself and his family) but I have no idea of the extent of it or how long it had gone on. I am not convinced pathological lying was his problem but that lying became necessary to him due to his psychology at times.

Looking back now I realise he was a very controlling person. Very #lowselfesteem. Very #arrogant. Very ‘#stubborn’. Probably above average intelligence…but a definite lack of self awareness and accountability in his mind which betrayed his lack of emotional intelligence.

After he left he claimed he was getting professional help for managing his anger. But his family told a different story so whether he really did seek help, I couldn’t even guess.

I study widely and various techniques for my own understanding of my #aspergers (a type of #autism). I have been able, over time, not only to accept my autism but to celebrate it! And to find that in my work (teaching online energy healing courses predominantly), it is useful to be able to adopt a more rational view at times. It’s helpful for me and my students/clients because people can talk openly with me without fearing judgement or worrying they are burdening me in any personal sense.

In fact, in some situations in my personal life my #autism has proved an asset!

On reflexion I would say that to my ex, it was as if I didn’t demonstrate enough adulation to make him feel ok about himself and gradually he began to resent my ’emotional independence’.

Ultimately such a mismatch could have resulted in a seriously abusive relationship (if neither of us had been self aware and had accepted the imbalance as ‘the norm’). Perhaps less so for me in some ways, but more devastating for me in ways he wouldn’t have been able to relate to.

Even so, I hope he will learn about himself and find a way to let go of his bitterness.

I can’t claim to forgive like a #neutotypical does – my process of #forgiveness is intellectualised to an extent. But it still brought me #peace and opened my life to new possibilities and hope. It meant I could move on and learn from the experience. I am grateful for that. I hope he can too and that he finds the right kind of help to get a handle on himself.

For my own part I find energy healing (#Reiki in particular), regular exercise, playing music, singing, and daily #meditation help me to maintain a balance. Spending a lot of time with my boyfriend – they call him #Elvis (I call him Spider) and he lives two doors down…he’s fabulous and I am sure I will blog copiously a about him this year! He really is a genuinely kind man…also practical, an entrepreneur, up for a giggle and with a #bohemian lifestyle that rivals my own! Plus he loves me to bits and I love him to pieces so it’s all good…Elvis and a #PreRaphaelite #fairy #princess! Who would have thought it!

Also he will be helping with some of my projects later in the year so expect to find him tagged all over my networks!

Much love xxx Maya

PS. This is a great vlog. I am sure we all know people who fall into this category and forewarned is forearmed 


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