I was raped. Courage & Self Realisation. Are life’s challenges our most powerful opportunities?

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOpWsw1Hvl8

22 Years ago, I was raped by my long term partner.

I was young and this had seemed to come out of the blue. He became physically, mentally and emotionally abusive after this…he also had 4 affairs that I know of during the 9 years total we were together.

Looking back, I regret not going to the police. And I regret not telling anyone or talking to anyone about it. If anyone finds themselves in a similar situation, please don’t deal with it by hiding it. They are the one at fault; and no matter how twisted they are and how manipulative they are (and they usually are)…managing to make sure you feel ashamed for something they should feel ashamed of…no matter how difficult it is, trust me when I say, spending your life covering for an abusive relationship or hiding an assault from people, means the attacker continues to do damage to you psychologically, long after the event is over.

Considering courage in the context of a magickal philosophy made me want to make a video about how courage isn’t about not being scared…it’s about how you handle being scared. It’s about learning to trust yourself to cope with fear and have faith in your own potential abilities to turn it around. Maybe even use it to your advantage in some way.

In that way, I can look back and say 22 years ago something really bad happened to me…but ultimately, it increased my potential to overcome fear, pain, suffering…and on some level, life’s challenges are those things that create the most powerful opportunities for us to prove ourselves. My self confidence and self esteem might not be what they are today had some of these things not happened in my past. They did force me to step up to mark in a way that may not have happened any other way. Perhaps ultimately, they made me a better person; a stronger person. And perhaps ultimately, making this video might help others too. I hope so.

They say that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. I would encourage that. Don’t let what doesn’t kill you make you angry, vengeful, bitter or afraid. In the strangest way, we have no control over what happens to us, but we have control over how we deal with it. See yourself as an empowered person and challenges can turn to opportunities.

Of course it’s not a simple thing; it took a lot of hard work. But do you really want to let the abusers, bullies, rapists of the world win you over to their way of seeing yourself as a victim?

PLEASE DON’T!

In considering an example it was the only situation I could think of where I was actually scared for my life…and it took me a long time to find the courage to end the relationship. I’m not proud of that. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. But anyone who has been in an abusive relationship or subject to a sexual assault…remember one thing – they are actually BREAKING THE LAW – it’s not a moral issue, it’s nothing to do with what you were wearing either. And there is a legal system that sometimes fails…but sometimes works. That is the system that rapists should face so you don’t have to allow their actions define you later. Again, this isn’t an easy thing at all. But my experience is…don’t harbor criminals.

I feel very strongly about it. It is perhaps my biggest regret not calling the police when it happened…because living with the secret was like dealing with something that happened to me (not something I did), over and over again. And it took a lot to move forward. I think it always would have – but I think I would have felt better about myself, the situation, the world, if I hadn’t kept the secrets of someone like that.

So I really intensely want to tell other victims of assault within or outside of relationships…PLEASE don’t suffer alone.

If you don’t know where to begin and seeing the police seems too difficult, tell a friend and have them phone the police. See your GP as an emergency and have them phone the police. Do whatever you can do. But don’t keep it to yourself.

Do anything you can to avoid falling into despair. Study psychotherapy…see a therapist…a counsellor…whatever help you can find, find it.

I feel like, worse than the event itself for me, were the 4 years of not even thinking to myself in words what kind of relationship I was in. I didn’t even tell myself. Let alone anyone else. That was a lot to deal with. It had a lot of consequences that dealing with it a different way wouldn’t have had.

Also remember…22 years later, things will look very different. I hadn’t lived 22 years when it actually happened…but looking back, I am a very different person now. It’s impossible to say what might ever happen to you in life…but I know for absolute certain, I would have been waiting at the police station door when it opened the next morning if it happened now.

We’re not defined by what other people do to us. Sometimes it feels like we are. But we’re not. And I dedicate my life to teaching courses that empower people (in various ways)…something I feel extremely inspired to do but something I couldn’t have imagined doing 22 years ago.

Time doesn’t heal…it’s what you do with the time that decides whether it heals…so if you can learn anything from my mistakes and my situation, please, please do. If I can make a difference to one person…save them the 4 year limbo…I’d donate a kidney to do it. So making this video, not my favourite subject, but the least I can do❤

ALM (Mayastar)
http://www.mayastar.net

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How to work in the garden like a hipster hippie in hipster hippie heaven ♡

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Perfect weather for working in the garden. #barlowtyrie #sunlounger. Fledge sitting on the table with us. #Chihuahua honeys snuggling into my blanket. Pouring with rain but we’re cosy and dry under the veranda.

Listening to #KateRusby at the moment and #daisyrock on standby for when I’ve finished working…or a book…or some sketching…depending when my bf finishes work I may work here for a couple of hours yet:) Writing a new blog, writing channelled information from my #spiritguide down…he talks in images sometimes so I like to write it up in a more understable way. And reading the #happinessproject book.

Heavenly fresh rain grassy smell mixed with dog smell and a bit of #chanel no 19…so homely and cosy.

Big love #hippies and #hipsters!

ALM (Maya)

www.youtube.annalouisemay.net

How Energy Healing & Reiki can be used to assist those who are terminally ill

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We tend to think of healing as a single level but relaxation, the reduction of stress, assistance in sleep and pain management can be helpful in those to are about to make the transition.

It also provides a powerful way to connect – and creates a relaxed environment in which to talk about things the dying person might feel unable to with others or in more clinical settings. That’s not to say it won’t be challenging! But it can be an opportunity to share love as a family that is unique to our regular experiences.

My dad died of cancer last year. An inoperable brain tumour; and being able to provide him with the benefits of Reiki and my counselling/psychoanalysis experience…and natural forms of treatment, was intensely beneficial for us both. Being able to offer support and guidance in a situation that seems otherwise may seem bleak is an opportunity to reclaim the sacred aspects of this unique time. An opportunity beneficial (potentially) to all involved.

Natural Healing techniques can help relieve symptoms; we may benefit from healing on a spiritual and emotional level. Knowing you’re terminally ill can make people depressed – it’s rather a monumental time and rather monumental news. And it’s not unusual to experience shock and the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining), when we hear the word “terminal”. But the shock part passes and we have to find a way to live with death. Something our life experience rarely prepares us for; it can make people feel unable to discuss the nitty gritty too – how death happens biologically. What to expect. What is a death rattle? Why do people who are dying usually go into a coma?

We can find these things out. And understanding the physical process can be reassuring. But creating an environment in which people feel they can connect and share in what is a very intimate experience…that’s the part no one teaches us! And I believe Reiki and sharing energy healing can be an excellent starting point for opening up and sharing our experiences and ideas together.

Death is a natural part of our lives – but we do tend to think of it as something that happens in a clinical setting with drips and medical staff…and ends with an anonymous phone call from a random doctor at 3am. We’ve stopped seeing it as being part of the cycle of life – and started to see aging and mortality as negative and to be avoided at all costs!

We are very distanced from our mortality in the modern world and this is emphasised in many ways by modern medicine…and probably also the fact many of us aren’t religious these days; also there is a way that even in some religions death is considered an inappropriate topic for discussion – or it’s discussed only in coded terms. The afterlife being focused on rather than death itself and the biological process of death.

Something important is lost in this I feel. Think back 100 or 150 years, people were used to seeing death first hand from an early age. Their family members usually died at home and often with the same treatments as end of life care provided now…counsellors instead of priests – but with morphine to control symptoms of the final days and hours.

If we saw this in our homes from a young age, we would undoubtedly understand death in a very different way. And while we consider such close encounters with the dying potentially depressing (tragic, unbelievable, despair inspiring) when they happen in the real world today, they don’t have to be. This modern perspective is rather new and our past understanding of the process can teach us a lot.

Death can be seen as part of a natural transition. The physical death of the body here marking its rebirth into the next world. A sacred experience when we see it from this perspective and allow ourselves to overcome our fears and resistance and to see…it may be messy or strange to us…so is the birth of babies! But we don’t have a problem seeing that as sacred. Death comes to all and yet we can go through most of our lives trying to remain “uninvolved”. I feel this is not only to our detriment but also to the detriment of those who are dying. And one day, that will apply to each of us.

Don’t be depressed…you will die one day; you will live on many others!

My dad received home hospice care during his transition and it opened my eyes in many ways to the very personal experience the dying person has. And how modern attitudes can be isolating and prevent a natural transition being experienced in a natural way by everyone involved.

There are some great books (especially those by Felicity Warner) about Soul Midwifery. And the Pagan Book of Living and Dying by Starhawk that offer some practical and philosophical ideas that can draw people together if things are experienced openly and this final journey considered something we take together and acknowledge for the sacred time it is.

I’m all for using Reiki as a complimentary therapy to assist in achieving a good/peaceful passing.

As I said, not all healing takes place on a physical level. The mental, spiritual and emotional benefits can be incredibly powerful for anyone involved – the person who is dying, the family and friends – Energy Healing can provide a way to share in the journey that can be powerfully healing for everyone.

XX ALM (Mayastar)

What are Starseeds? I High Functioning Autism | God Touched | Indigo Children | Witches | Lightworkers | Uniqueness & Non-Conformity as Spiritual Ideals

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I was recently asked this on my FB group page. Answering without sounding so kookie people following the page who hadn't heard the term might think definition meant answering it quite carefully! Some new age ideas are very old ideas but with new "jargon" or extensions of existing beliefs and ideas not new to all religions but somehow "reframed" out of context so they do come over sounding a bit far fetched!

It's a criticism I have for the "New Age" in general. Lots of ideas without much basis and without any subjective or objective reasoning behind them…let alone citing sources that have existed for thousands of years that say the same thing in different words. I am also guilty of not citing sources. I have a really good memory (part of my aspergers – high functioning autism). But I draw a blank remembering faces. And apparently names too. When I am reading fiction I notice I almost blank names as I read them! So even if I remember the book…the cover…where I was when I read it etc, I won't have retained the author's name. My mind seems to consider names very unimportant which is why most people in my life have nicknames I've given them. It's my weird "name blindness".

Anyway…back to the topic…in answering the question referring to similar or associated ideas the person was likely to know instead of me rambling on with a lot of new age jargon, I feel I explained the concept well.

As a teacher of energy healing, attunement based spiritual development courses and meditation based courses, I am very aware of ensuring my writing is accessible to people who have no previous experience.

Also, I am not running a cult teaching new words for ideas that promote exclusivity…or fudge the details so people don't realise they are not being told anything. Those are pet hates of mine.

Also, as a teacher I don't want to alienate people who hold religious beliefs that may be different to mine. I don't teach religion and I don't like it when people dress ideas and philosophies as being facts. We can be as objective in our explanations as possible – but even the best articulated philosophical deductions are open to debate. (I do feel my Autism helps me to communicate higher concepts in a more accessible way because I have to do it so much as my normal life experience. It definitely helps rather than hinders my work!).

I promote freedom and empowerment so I won't dogmatically preach theories as facts. I know some new age writers do this…but I think real understanding is only available when you digest information for yourself.

I may be hypersensitive to it…aware sometimes that a blog is addressed to people with a prior knowledge…I always try to pitch my writing so it's useful to people without prior knowledge; defining terms sometimes makes all the difference!
Anyway…enough about my motivations for the way I addressed the question! In my own words, the answer goes something like this…

Some people believe in reincarnation. Some believe some of us had previous lives on other planets or stars perhaps in a different dimension not a physical body, but a life or origin that's not of this earth and possibly not of this plane (dimension).

People who feel that often refer to themselves as "starseeds".

For me personally, I think it's very possible other worlds and types of existance are viable in addition to being a humans on earth with some kind of soul that exists beyond our biological reality.

I also do agree with the concept because as I child I recall feeling "homesick". My Aspergers may have been part of that; some people also believe some "advanced" spiritual beings choose to reincarnate to help others achieve spiritual wholeness and that High Functioning Autism or some types of epilepsy are a part of that.

That's not a new idea but the term "starseeded" is a new age term for it. They may also use terms like "earth angels", "indigos" and "crystal children" etc…depending on the current trend in ideas or new ideas about old ideas!

I do feel I lived somewhere else before I came here as a human. And that it wasn't like this. And I miss it. I think of it as being "homesick for heaven". But I don’t claim to understand what it was or where it was. I do feel the work I do now in this life was chosen before I came here. And I feel it will continue when I leave (die). But I don't have proof of that. It's just something I feel so strongly it feels more real than real to me. And I have since met other people who also remember the "before life".

Some people would suggest my feelings are born of delusion…failing to grasp that the Asper brain is not prone to delusion or irrationality; they are experiences more common to people whose beliefs are a reaction to their emotions. Rather than someone whose mind is hyper-rational. Our problems in being understood usually come from our capacity to naturally experience and express our experiences in a far more abstract way than our lower-functioning peers.

This capacity for abstract understand is why many High Functioning Autistics display unusually advanced language skills, may be drawn to mathematics and tend to show greater creativity. Not all share the same special skills or special interests. But I have no doubt that the work I do teaching energy healing and my magickal 'career' are advanced by my Aspergers in ways people of a neurotypical function wouldn't experience. I wouldn't trade my High Functioning brain for one that didn't see music, feel colours or understand how to reweave karma (spells) the way I do. My work through www.mayastar.netand www.mayamagickal.net absolutely relies on my mind being as it is!

The long and short of it is some people believe people who are born with Higher Functioning Autism or Epilepsy (I have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy) were “god touched” thousands of years ago. That’s the phrase they would have used here centuries ago. And only relatively recently have the insights, perspectives and non-confirmity of people like me been negatively interpreted as a deficiency or fault.

This is beginning to change. With High Functioning Autistics being head hunted for their unique abilities especially in identifying problems quickly or irregularities in (for example) programming scripts that a Neurotypical wouldn’t be able to do so accurately or quickly.

And of course, the New Age has seen a revival in old spiritual and philosophical understandings that our uniqueness is a gift: an extra abilty not a disability!

If you would like to know more, I recently posted a new Whispering Witch Heart to Heart on this topic at: https://youtu.be/Azev7P4aIYM

Lush Cosmetics vs Rimmel London

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#selfieoftheday after finding the packaging for lush cosmetics was so bad 3 applicators broke themselves…for £15 I expect it to work…and sadly for quality it’s not worth the price either – takes a lot of blending to use their “eyeliners” which don’t actually dry and have completely the wrong shaped application brush…the lipsticks are good if you want to stain your lips otherwise they smudge. But of 6 or 8, 3 of the applicators have broken. A shame. Totally can’t recommend them.

Can recommend #rimmel – who still make the same copper eyeliner I wore 20 years ago…do have decent quality eyeliners and mascaras…a third of the price you’d pay Lush. I wouldn’t advocate buying cheap bases…but I bought Rimmel’s version of #YSL #toucheclat and I may be a bit biased as I’ve bought YSL for so long…but the rimmel one does seem fine. If it applies quickly without too much blending time and doesn’t irritate my eyes…and does reflect light…it’s fine. So I will give cheaper alternatives a go because I’m sorry…though initially they were ok, the problems with lush cosmetics isn’t just a compromise on range of colour or consistency and price…but also broken applicators.

Too much of a compromise.

Aspergers & High Functioning Autism ♡

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Oooh sooo much like my own attitude! Neurotypicals often described Aspergers as a “syndrome”. An idea as absurd to me as having curly hair syndrome or green eyes syndrome. So…my brain has more and more densely packed neural pathways…that gives me a good memory, often word for word. It gives me a high IQ and a perspective referred to as HIGHER FUNCTIONING.

I forgive those with lower functioning all the time…those with “Neurotypical Syndrome”.

It doesn’t make me better…it’s just my brain formation. It isn’t like socipathy or borderline personality disorder that may need meds. There is no treatment except lifetyle habits for Aspers…because there isn’t anything wrong with us.

On the other hand, those who rank highly on the narcissistic (lower functioning) spectrum, have problems with co-dependence, a need for external validation and self esteem issues that would be alien to me.

When I consider this, I almost pity their more ego centred perspective – to me it looks like being neurotypical must be quite a bind.

Xxx ALM (Mayastar)

Is an ASMR Rant possible? Whispering Witch Hardcore Vegan Warfare Inspired | Inspired by Durianrider & Freelee Drama

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First of all – my post has nothing to do with my channel. My channel isn’t about veganism but there is a crossover I suppose because I tend to make vids on what interests me (Energy Healing, psychology and I guess what would come under the the heading “the occult) in the hope of inspiring others. And a bit of music. And a bit about my aspergers and new agey thoughts.

However, while I did my work tonight I had to take a break. I had a critique channel on about the DurianRider long term steroid “use” and +lFreeleethebananagirl advocating it issue. And I wondered what this vegan movement was turning into? So…I ranted…as quiet as a Whispering Witch can…I ranted a whole ASMR style video!

The vid that provoked me (won’t mention who by) was a commentary about a crazy interview. It came up in my recommend list because I do subscribe to some vegan channels.

I watch Dom Bower vids – they’re fun – really good insight on the same interview in fact!  Also Best Transformation – fun and inspirational.

For the science bit I recommend NutritionFacts.Org – brilliant annual lectures too.

Now, I am not a vegan…my diet is predominantly plant based vegan but when it’s not, it’s vegetarian. And has been most of my life.

However, even with a primarily vegan diet, I am not a vegan. My conditioner contains lanolin (from sheep’s wool). I also eat honey from time to time. So any semblance to veganism in my life is happenstance!

However,  I do agree with people getting educated and making informed choices. I do agree with the healthy lifestyle and ethical issues when it comes to what we eat. Also exercise and self improvement…spiritual and emotional development. These things I consider very important and I think it’s fantastic that we have access to that information now. And can make lifestyle choices based on facts so we can achieve our potential…on all levels.

Anyway, this ever escalating war of the hardcore vegan movement turns people off. It turns me off! It’s people promoting themselves in the best cases – actively putting people off taking the steps for optimal health, happiness or ethical living. The worst of these “youtube celebs” make non vegans think, “No, I wouldn’t want to be one of “them.””

That’s a shame. A wasted opportunity.

So to the good channels…keep up the good work! Your perspective, information and guidance is so essential to counter the nonsense and keep some balance.

I know I said I would never make a video about other peoples’ videos…but this has been a crazy few weeks for YouTube veganism! Unprecedented.

My recommendations are…

+My channel – varied & kookie – relaxing
+Dombower – keeps perspective. +BestTransformation keeps it fun. +NutritionFacts.Org keeps the science bit.

As I said…my channel isn’t a vegan diet or vegan lifestyle one so I am not entering the ring here! Just recommending the channels I think are worth a look!

Anyone who wants to know about the Freelee/DurianRider drama I recommend Dom Bower’s site for an overview because DR has been churning out videos at a crazy pace. You wouldn’t be able to keep up even if you tried!

xxx